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This is the Front Page Chronicles… a listing of our favorite header pages.

7-6-99 Drip. Drip. Drip.

If you haven't seen it on the news, the weather here in Hartford is depressingly hot. It's 10:30pm right now, and we have a heat index somewhere over the hundred degrees mark. Needless to say, it's hard to get motivated to do anything.

It gets worse. The computer is in the hottest room of the house, which at this time is a couple of degrees above the unbearable mark. The fan isn't helping at all.

So, please bear with us when it comes to the update schedule over the next few days.

Tonight, Janet was able to sit in the sauna of a computer room long enough to write a Scowl about the oppressive heat, while Avery sat in the living room with a liter and a half of Poland Springs water as he tried in vain to rehydrate.

Back to schvitzing (that's sweating for the Yiddishly uninclined&#41…

6-16-99 We're back!
Greetings from Hartford, CT!

When we last left off, your courageous Scowlers, Avery and Janet, were getting ready to leave the self-proclaimed babylon that is San Francisco for their ancestral homeland of Hartford County, Connecticut… and as you can see from the entries that we have posted, it's been a long, strange trip.

As we told you before we went on break, there have been a number of changes put into the site over the last few weeks. The message boards are gone, and the Lower Haight Resource Guide has been passed to our fellow Lower Haight denizens at cyberzen.com (URL to be posted later&#41.

The Topic of the Week is now gone, but it has been replaced with the Commuter Hell section of the Chronicles. We've also expanded the old Barfly Chronicles to include beer reviews as well as notes on the local bar scene in Hartford (yes, there is a bar scene here&#41!

You'll find some other differences with the layout of the entries, and the site is now heavy on the Dynamic HTML… so if you experience any Javascript or CSS rendering errors, please let us know!

It's good to be back!

5-13-99 – The end of an era…
Well, we told you that something big was going to happen, and it finally has.

As of May 14, 1999, Scowl, Nu? is going on hiatus for approximately 30 days as we get ready to leave the dysfunctional land of San Francisco and move across the country to our ancestral home of Hartford, CT.

So, what does this mean to the website?

When Scowl, Nu? comes back online on (or about&#41 June 21, there will be some frank changes. First off, the Lower Haight Resource Guide will be discontinued. If any San Francisco resident wants to inherit that section, please let us know. Until then, the LHRG will stay online, but it will not be updated.

Some sections will be removed immediately. The first thing that will go is the message boards. Let's face it, people didn't use them, and if we decide to relocate servers, we don't want to go through the hassle of setting them up again.

The Topic of the Week is also discontinued. We'll move the entries to a new Archives section. The Archives will be the repository for any Chronicles that are no longer being updated.

A number of our favorite Chronicles will also be discontinued. The MUNI Chronicles will be moved to the Archives, as the chronicle focused on the San Francisco bus system. The Boxing Chronicles completed with Avery's Golden Gloves competition… and until we find a new boxing gym, the chronicles are closed. Also, the Sausage Chronicles are officially closed, as we threw out the final packs of bratwurst as part of the pre-move cleaning.

The Barfly Chronicles will be updated with our attempt to find a new local bar in Hartford, and will become the flagship Chronicle. We're also planning the addition of a new section called the Fashion Faux Pas List.

Other than that, the format and look-and-feel will probably remain the same. However, if we were ever planning on changing the site, now would be a good time, nu?

Signing off for the last time from San Francisco,

5/9/99 – Is it a sign?

I know that it's silly to find omens in television programs… but when you see The Simpsons mention both Mensa and Hartford, CT in a single episode, you know that they're trying to tell you something.

Then again, they were both mocking our ancestral home city and an organization that we both belong to… but still, it's an omen I tell you! An omen!

Unfortunately, life has been hectic here at Scowl central. Avery was sent on an emergency business trip on the 4th and 5th, and the weekend was packed with the typical drudgery. Oh yeah, we attended a wedding Saturday night… but with the way the week is shaping up, it might not be until Wednesday until you'll be able to read about it.

We'll put something new up soon. We promise, but until then, check the What's New section to see what we have updated most recently.

1/28/99 – Aspara-piss and just plain pissed off.

There's nothing worse than the scent of your own pee after eating a half-of-a-pound of asparagus. Yeesh!

This morning, we created this new animated gif for our friends at Sony.

What do you think?

Last night, we updated the Observation Lounge, Topic of the Week and a few of the Chronicles.

As always, you can check the What's New section for a complete update of what was updated and when it was last changed.

Back to the daily grind…

1/18/99 -Some of those girls get those muff mohawks…

We just love HBO.

Given the choice of either watching Jack Wagner pine over his floozie du jour on Melrose Place or watching Tracey Ullman talking about mohawked muffs on Tracey Takes On… what would you pick?

Where else in this overly conservative, puritanical society can you see a slice of real life… where people swear, smoke, drink, strip, and yes… even forget to cover up their chest with the sheet after making love (or even after just screwing around&#41?

Come on folks. Let's get ready for the new millenium by pulling that stick out of our collective ass! Aren't Americans ready to watch a television show where they don't have to cut away every time someone does something enjoyable?

Click on What's New to find out what's been updated. Be sure to check out the Scowls where you can read about Janet's bout with feminism or you can read Avery's Boxing Chronicle update, where you can find out what we do when we're not at the bar. Then again, you can just read the Barfly Chronicles or even tonight's Smirks and find out what we did do at the bar this weekend. That's right… we've got something for everyone here at Scowl, Nu!

Guten Nacht, folks.

1/10/99 – HBO. It Rocks.

Well, we're watching a new show on HBO called The Sopranos. Just like Oz, Sex and the City, Dennis Miller Live and Arli$$, it's another winner for HBO… which we think has the best shows on TV these days. It's nice being able to watch a show where the strippers can be topless and the main characters can drink, swear and smoke. Maybe some day, all television will be like HBO.

Even though we were busy this weekend, we still had time to write up some Scowls, Barfly Chronicles and Boxing Chronicles.

Anyway, it's time for some sleep…

12/16/98 – Why in God's Name was Brian Setzer on 90210?

Wednesday night…

Nothing to say.

Janet updated the Observation Lounge with a tale of nausea and large pieces of beef while Avery just sat on his dead ass and watched.

Ta!

12/14/98 – Ally McMuffin – Egg whites on cold, dry white bread. No Calories.

Well, it seems that the managers of the NIC for the NU Domain have selected us as the ".NU Site of the Week"… it's sort of on par as being selected as the InterNIC site of the week if you had a .com/.net/.org domain… if the InterNIC did that sort of thing. They called Scowl a "Quirky Site"… we can live with that sentiment :&#41

Monday night means it's an update night for us. Avery wrote about Sunday's Belgian Beer Festival in the Barfly Chronicles and Janet ranted about travel agents in Scowls.

In addition, the Message Boards are becoming a little active this week, so go and vent your spleen and write something.

Anyway, it's late and it's time to get some sleep…

12/9/98 – BLACKOUT!

Yesterday, at 8:18am Pacific Time, the power just shut off. Click.

It stayed that way until 2pm. During those six hours, the city was without power. Completely.

Throughout the day (and evening&#41… we'll be writing about the San Francisco Blackout of 1998.
Avery has written the first few entries about the blackout. Check the Observation Lounge for the first part, and then head to the Chronicles for more tales of

THE GREAT BLACKOUT OF 1998

We'll update the What's New section as we load more entries.

Back to writing!

11/22/98 – Another weekend is over…

Another weekend is over… but at least it is only three days until a four day weekend. Ha!

Janet and I spent Friday night at Hotel Sofitel just to get away from the city. We followed the fine French dinner that we had delivered to our room with a lunch at In-n-Out Burger and an afternoon at Fry's Electronics before heading home for an evening at the Toronado.

We konw that last week was a light week for us writing, but we're back in the swing of things now. In addition, we've updated the Barfly Chronicles, Smirks, and Observation Lounge for your Monday morning reading pleasure.

Time for dessert!

11/18/98 – This Zip Code Ain't Big Enough For the Two of Us

Well, I'll be! Dylan McKay returned to 90210. Next thing you know, he and Noah will be standing on a dusty road somewhere comparing notes:

"I'm a rebel."
"So'm I."

"I had a lotta money and then lost it all."
"Me, too."

"Well, I had a drinking problem."
"Been there, done that."

"My father died a violent death."
"Ditto."

Long Pause

"Oh yeah, well I lived on a BOAT, man."
"Shit. I never got a boat."

Avery is feeling overworked and generally blah these days, so I'm the only one who did updates tonight.

Nightie night, rabbit, nightie night.

11/12/98 – The beginning of the end…

It's official. California's Proposition 10 has passed. Cigarettes will go up by 50 cents a pack, and cigars and pipe tobacco taxes will go up 97%.

The damndest thing is that this law was written by Rob "Meathead" Reiner himself. Only in California, home of Senator Bono, President Reagan and Mayor Eastwood would a second rate comedian get a chance to write legislation.

Needless to say, this has outraged the local cigar community, and it is quite possible that a number of small local shops will shut down, rather than becoming defacto tax collectors.

Hopefully, the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals will find some way to invalidate the vote (which won by less than .02%&#41 or constitutionally annul the law.

California just doesn't seem to be a great place to live anymore.

11/10/98 – Oh, those wacky San Franciscans!

First, some activists throw a pie in Mayor Willie Brown's face (it's about time someone tarnished the eternally-grinning face of Mr. "I'm in People Magazine and had a small, non-recurring role on Suddenly Susan."&#41 They were promptly put behind bars, where they still sit without bail!

Then we hear something on the news about a homeless person's throat being slashed. They eventually catch the guy and, come to find out, he says that he did it because he was a vampire.

Only in San Francisco.

10/28/98 – Kindred Spirits

This evening, Dennis Miller said something that really applies to Scowl, Nu?: I have whittled my demographics down to a jaded few. Sometimes, we look at the stats on who is coming to the site, and even though we pick up some new readers every day, it is the few jaded people who come back, day after day that show us that we're doing something right.

That, and Dennis Miller also said one thing that we've tried to so eloquently tell movie goers in San Francisco: Shut your blathering pie hole, you fat fuck!
Thank god he was renewed for another season.

In other news, with all of this talk about the President and his Hoes, we decided that we should get Hoes of our own. So, tonight, we went out to the Toronado to enjoy a couple glasses of Hoegaarden Whites.

Of course, you can read about this in detail in the Barfly Chronicles. We've updated lots of stuff, so just check the What's New page to see what we have updated.

Time to get to sleep.

10/26/98 – Ally McBeal watch – 27 pounds and dropping.

Just another night of Fox's Must Snooze TV.

Here's a big fat "Whatever" to Fox for the parody of itself, Melrose Place. it's stopped even being amusing anymore. Yet, we still watch, trying to figure out Amanda's Big Secret. Argh!

Tune in next week when Ally McQuarterPounder eats a grain of rice.

While you ponder these strange cosmic occurrences, take a look at Janet's updates to the Muni Chronicles and the Smirks.

Avery added a link to Stone Brewing on the links page… aah, Stone Brewing. Creators of Arrogant Bastard Ale.

Time to get some sleep.

10/15/98 – Where has all the flatware gone?

Though we bought a set of silverware that (we think&#41 contained 4 of each utensil, we have just now discovered that some of them are missing. 1 spoon, 1 small fork, 1 large fork and 2 knives… gone! At first I thought that maybe our elderly building manager was pilfering the utensils one by one (he watches our cats when we go on trips…not to mention that he has a key anyway.&#41 Then we thought that maybe we had lost some and forgotten about it.

Knowing us and our bouts of absent-mindedness, we'll probably find them in the freezer or something.

We spent all of our energy on this week's Topic of the Week, so we didn't have time to update anything else. We'll be making more updates on Friday night, and all throughout the weekend.

Are you all still enjoying the new layout of Scowl? No? Well, if you prefer the old layout, you can click here.

Enjoy!

10/13/98 – Wyoming… another state we'll never go to.

This morning, the father of one of those wretched pieces of human filth accused of murdering Matthew Shepard ignorantly stated, "Had this been a heterosexual these two boys decided to take out and rob, this never would have made the national news."

Hey, you dipshit bigot piece of trash… your son attacked and killed a man for the sole reason that he was gay and flirted with him. Guess what, if it was a heterosexual girl who had flirted with that white-trash psychopath, he wouldn't have planned to hunt her down, mug and eventually murder her. You pitiful excuse for a parent. You raised a child who thinks that it is acceptable behavior to mug people. You are just as guilty in this murder as your kid.

In less angry news, we've started work on a re-vamp of the Barfly Chronicles. The bulk of it is already done, and we'll be finishing it up by the end of the week, but if you check it out now, you'll get a good idea of where it is going.

Are you all still enjoying the new layout of Scowl? No? Well, if you prefer the old layout, you can click here. We're updating a lot of stuff tonight, and we've already picked a new Topic of the Week for Friday morning… it'll be something to launch you into the weekend.

We've updated the Barfly Chronicles, Scowls, and Observation Lounge

Enjoy!

9/30/98 – Two Minutes to Borg Space

Why is it that all Star Trek aliens are either sepia-colored and bald or just a normal looking person with spots, dots, ridges or a piece of gum stuck to their faces?

While you ponder that question, why don't you give the updated sections a look see. We've updated almost every section, so check the What's New section for a list of what's changed.

Time to shower and get ready for bed…

9/28/98 – During Ally McFreakingBeal.

We're back. Did you miss us?

We just got back from a vacation in Seattle where we celebrated Avery's birthday, drank a lot of beer and coffee, caught the musical RENT for the upteenth time (really just the sixth time&#41, and just vegged out. But now it's Monday night and we're back.

Bad news: the Topic of the Week won't be updated until Tuesday night.
Good News: We'll be changing the Hotel Chronicles from a business trip based chronicle to a general trip based chronicle. This is where we'll add the stories about our trip to Seattle. Expect part of them by Wednesday night.

Anyway, back to dinner and unpacking!

9/21/98 – Never forget that exercise can kill you.

PRESS STATEMENT – FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Scowl Cigar United Manufacturing announced on 9/22/98 the general release of their newest cigar sensation, the Monica. Government officials have been enjoying the Monica for years, and now we can offer the Monica to you for a low, low price.

Powerful Cigar Lovers have commented on the rich, musky flavor of the Monica… commenting that once you've had a Monica, it'll take an act of Congress to make you give it up!

The Monica is rolled a little tight, so it might take an extra few puffs to get it started, but once it starts, it burns hot… producing a dry, white ash. As you continue smoking, the Monica's flavor becomes much stronger, almost demanding you to submit to it as you keep on smoking. After a satisfying finish, you'll notice a pleasant after taste, some say it tastes a bit floral. Some tasters have commented on a saltiness, and one taster commented that it left a taste reminiscent of seafood… but conceded that it could have easily been the sushi that he had for lunch.

So, rush out to your local tobacconist and try a Monica Cigar today!


Within a few weeks, The Gap will probably re-release the Monica Dress (Available in Black, Cream and Navy&#41. Ken Starr will start whoring himself on the lecture circuit and the presidency (not the President himself&#41 will be ruined. I hope as a nation that we're all satisfied.

The Press Release above might be racy… maybe even a bit disgusting, but what we've allowed Ken Starr to the institution of the Presidency is truly perverse.

9/17/98 – Damn, that was some fine chicken!

We always think that we will have a lot of time to write after we get home from work, but for some reason 11:00 PM always rolls around all too soon, and we're still typing, and the TV is distracting us and our sleep defecit is getting bigger and bigger…so, to summarize:

Watching: An episode that we've already seen of The Larry Sanders Show
Drinking: Water and All-Sport sport drink
Eating: Chicken, mexican rice and non-fat refried beans
Wanting: more time in the day
Listening to: the cat's "smokers meow." (Don't worry, we've never seen her smoke&#41

Nevertheless, we've updated some stuff, so have at it!

9/10/98

This afternoon, Vagabond Jim, a fellow Lower Haight denizen sent us an email with a correction to the Lower Haight Resource Guide. While making the correction… suddenly, we became wracked with guilt. You see, when we used to check the server logs regularly, it seemed like nobody ever went to the LHRG, so we stopped updating it. But now that we know that locals like Jim are coming around, it's motivation to start updating it regularly again. So, expect some updates over the next week to get it more up to date.

Of course, at the bottom of Jim's email were links to his web projects, Vagabondage and Superdeluxe which led us to a great hang out called the Spacebar.

"See

If either of us are on the Spacebar, the picture above will say that we're online so you can come on and chat with us. Our login name is scowl. Original, ain't it?

Almost everything has been updated… so check the What's New section.

Happy Wednesday… only two days until the weekend!

— Avery and Janet

9/2/98 – While our muscles recover from Boxing

Ouch. Yesterday we worked ourselves to death boxing… so tonight, we are spending the evening writing and waiting for our muscles to stop screaming.

Almost everything has been updated, including the MUNI and Boxing Chronicles. Also, since it is now September, the Scowls, Smirks and Observation Lounge entries for August have been moved to their archive pages… just go to the September pages and there are links to the August (as well as June and July&#41 entries.

On a side note, we were indirectly asked by a journaller if Scowl, Nu? is really an online journal. At first I figured that she meant is what we are writing real, or fiction… to which we answered, it's real. However on a deeper level, is Scowl, Nu? really a journal?

When we decided to create Scowl, Nu? we saw it as the beginning of an online community… with articles, stories, message boards and an online record of what's making us smirk and scowl, with the focus on being bitter, but not angry.

Scowl is 100% non-fiction, completely autobiographical, personal, and updated regularly… so in that way, it is a journal. However, Scowl, Nu? is also an online publication. Though we are completely truthful in what we write on the site, we aren't completely open with you, our readers. This isn't the sort of site where you'll get our deepest, darkest secrets… or where we'll beat our breasts as we wail at the gods for the fate that they have dealt us. Sorry, we just don't know all of you that well… and what little of a private life we have is, well, private. Scowl, Nu? is our personal online publication that talks about that quirky thing called Our Life in San Francisco.

Like we said on the first day that we started this site:

So, why do we call this Scowl, Nu? Because sometimes there is nothing better to do in life than scowl.

So, come on, Scowl, why don't you?

8/31/98 – During Oz on HBO

The Links Section is in the process of being completely updated to more accurately reflect the places that we go to, our passions in life, and people who have bribed us to have their sites listed on the links page! Seriously, we have been making some major changes which emphasize the things that matter to us. The boxing and journals sections have been revised, and dead links have been removed. New barfly links have been added as well. If you notice any broken links, please let us know.

The Topic of the Week has been updated, so give it a look!

And now for yesterday's comments:

This morning, we were half-woken up at 9:15am by Janet's mother calling us to let us know that she found the website and wrote something on the message boards. So, when we woke up at 12:15, we checked the boards, and sure as shooting, both Janet's mother and half-brother had written messages on the boards. Janet's half-brother's posting is a little… explicit… but we'll leave it up. Geez, for a little kid, he sure has a firm grasp of the english language… or at least the four-lettered words.

8/28/98

We're sorry that it has been so long since we've added any scowls or smirks, but as you know, it's been a bad week. First, both of us get sick, then Avery gets really sick and Janet gets better, then Avery gets better and Janet gets sick… needless to say, we've spent most of our time playing nurse to each other, and that has really cut into our writing time.

Tonight is the HORDE concert where we get to see the Barenaked Ladies (yippee!&#41 followed by Janet's company picnic on Saturday… so as you can tell, it's going to be a busy weekend. We probably won't make any updates until Sunday morning. However, we promise that we will be back to our usual update schedule next week.

We have made some updates, so check the What's New section to see what we've done!

Thanks for being so patient…

8/17/98 – During Melrose Place

Good evening, everybody! It's Monday night and you know what that means… time for a new Topic of the Week!

As you can tell, we have a new graphic… what do you think about it? Now Mr. Scowly Sun can be seen over and over and over again!

Check the "What's New" section if you want to know what we have changed recently.

Oh, not to toot our own horns, but we won a number of awards last week. You like us… you really, really like us!

— Avery and Janet

PS, as we all have found out… President Clinton has admitted to an improper relationship with Monica Lewinsky. Oh golly golly gumdrops! The president has received a blowjob from one of his interns. Do you think that he is more embarassed that he was caught or that he was caught with such a homely broad? Sheesh! You think that the President of the United States could do better than that! At least JFK had Marilyn Monroe.

8/13/98 – A few hours before lunch…

Yesterday morning, at 7:11 am, we had a small earthquake (5.3&#41 which, as expected, shut down MUNI for 15 minutes. That's not so bad, considering that a stiff wind shuts MUNI down for 5 minutes or so.

8/3/98 – During Road Rules.

Well, the new Topic of the Week is up and it's a dilly! We don't suggest that children or the easily offended read it. Heck, we don't suggest that children or the easily offended read this site at all.

From earlier today:
Janet made a good point yesterday: "Where do we put the stuff that isn't a smirk or a scowl?" So, this afternoon, we created a new section called the Observation Lounge. The Observation Lounge is where we put our observations on what's going on… stuff that's neither smirk nor scowl… sort of like something that is Pareve.

In addition, yesterday we added a new Chronicle aptly entitled "Hey, Assholes"
Have you ever been reading some mainstream magazine and find an article that just rubs you the wrong way? Well, this section is our responses to those stories.

Happy Monday

—Avery and Janet

PS: Pareve is a Hebrew term that means neither Meat nor Milk… sort of a no-mans land food. Bread is Pareve, Coke is Pareve… and for some reason, fish is Pareve. Take that, you vegetarians!

7/31/98 – 45 Minutes before the Toronado
There is such a thing as being TOO negative. When you start thinking you're "above" just about everyone and everything, and focusing your hostility on something trivial like song lyrics, it's time to consider some professional therapy. That's not healthy complaining, it's displaced hostility.

There is a fine line between anger and bitterness, but the difference is severe. Scowl tries to stay on the bitter side of the fence. You see, we may be bitter, cynical and jaded… but we aren't angry and hostile. OK, so maybe we are a little angry and hostile… but we try to temper that with a good amount of wise-ass introspection.

You can't make fun of everyone else unless you are willing to make fun of yourself.

7/29/98 –
Yesterday there was a bad mojo going on between me and the net.
For some reason, there was an internet outage in Ohio which kept me from being able to visit most of the sites that I go to each and every day. That was cool, because I happened to find some new sites that are excellent (like Drue's website&#41… but it meant that I couln't go to some of my favorites (like Star Wars Farts and Planet Soma&#41. So, after finishing up the Topic of the Week and waiting for Janet to get out of the shower, I decided to do some net surfing.
Boy, was that a disaster.

First, I checked one of my favorite newsgroups. A few weeks ago, this pain-in-the-ass-know-it-all threw a temper-tantrum and announced "Screw you guys, I'm going home."
I found this comment pretty funny, because I usually write all of my postings from home. But I digress.
It seems that little miss thang couldn't take 1&#41 a joke and 2&#41 some heart-felt criticism regarding her net.behavior. Anyway, she decided to leave. Poor baby.
Needless to say, I had really enjoyed the group for the last few weeks. But, I knew that it couldn't last because all of her little groupies were begging her to come back. Now, she's trying to pass off the "I'm going home" as some sort of spiritual return to her home. Geez, can you smell the bullshit all the way over the net like I can?

I left my newsgroup reader and headed over to one of my favorite geeky cartoon sites. Oops! For some reason the cartoon of the day wouldn't load. There must have been a problem in the ASPcode-generator. No biggie, but it didn't help the cold blue funk that I was heading towards.

So, next stop was a favorite site, one I check daily, hoping that it was just updated! It wasn't.

At this point, I should have just taken a shower and gone to sleep… but NO! Avery had to be masochistic and keep searching around! The next site was down for a week for "remodeling"… the site after that should have been shut down for remodeling. The next site had a problem in its perl code so I couldn't even post to the message board. ARRGH!

Finally, I went to an old favorite, and realised that the person writing it wasn't bitter anymore… she was just catty and angry. It's sad, the writer made that all too easy jump from being cynical to just being hostile. It's a sad loss.
Yes, Janet and I spend a good portion of our day scowling… but the day that we can't poke fun at our Scowls and Smirks will be the day that Scowl shuts down

But don't worry… that won't happen for a long, long time

Thanks for sticking around,

—Avery

7/26/98 –

Updated: All Chronicles have been updated for your reading pleasure. New Scowls for you too.
Time: 6:30 PM.
On TV: Road Rules (an episode that we haven't seen&#41.
Revelation: Arnold Schwartzenegger was really good in Kindergarten Cop (it was on before Road Rules&#41.
Recovering from: Too many fat-laden dinners out with visiting relatives, smoking too many cigarettes last night, drinking a possibly spoiled Odwalla Summertime Lime juice.
Waiting for: the chili to finish cooking, digital cable to be installed, Cartoon Network to be available so we can watch Dexter's Laboratory.
Wearing: T-shirts, and boxer shorts (one pair of which Avery plans on handing down to me because the fly tends to open more often than he'd like it to&#41. Socks too, 'cuz its nippy out!
Trying to read: The Comics Journal (Young Cartoonists Issue&#41 and Star Wars Manga.
Cancelled: Sparring, because our teacher is sore from a basketball tournament and Avery's new tattoos are still healing.
Still on the kitchen table: Gefilte Fish, an Avery impulse buy.
—Janet (and Avery, back-seat contributor&#41

7/25/98 – It must be morning, because the sun is out.

Well, it's way too early in the morning, and I can't sleep.

Janet is lucky… she'll probably be able to sleep for another hour or two, but I am wide freaking awake. I hate being awake so early in the morning, it means that I won't be able to stay up late – which will cut down on the late night activities.

I figure that someone is going to email us asking where the update to the Barfly Chronicles is, but Janet and I didn't go to the Toronado last night … no bar, no Barfly Chronicles. Don't despair, we intend to go to the Toronado tonight… and there will be an update tomorrow.

Other than that, I smell like a hippie, because the new salve on my tattoos is made of almond and avocado oil… "Peace and love, dude"… sheesh. I hate smelling like hippie even more than smelling a wet hippie on the bus… which is one step worse than the smell of a wet dog.

That's it for now. Check out the new links: Kvetch, the Fray and Manic Xpressions… I think you'll like them.

Yawn, bitch, moan and scowl… all of you!

— Avery (and the sleeping Janet&#41

7/17/98 – After a few beers at Lucky 13 and some chili from Sparky's
Yuppies, please go home.
A poem.

Yuppies, please go home; please go home now.
Leave my home and go. Go now. Go quickly.
Regardless, please go.
Please go home now, Yuppies.
Leave in your beemers, mercedes and beetles.
Leave before you make us ill.
Leave this instant, before we hurt you.
Regardless, please go.
Yuppies, please go, my buzz is fading,
and you amuse me not any more.
Go! Please go! Yuppies, please go!
Go! Leave now! Please go!

Adios, yuppie putzes!

— Avery and Janet

PS: we updated the Barfly Chronicles, Janet wrote a Scowl and Avery wrote a Smirk.

7/12/98 – Evening
Today was a web-site updating sort of day.
This afternoon was spent walking around and making lists of all the places on Haight and Fillmore Streets. Most of the evening was spent doing the following:

  • Updating the Lower Haight Resource Guide (Now includes everything on Haight and Fillmore&#41.

  • Adding new stuff to the Chronicles, Scowls and Smirks.

  • Making a mean mushroom sauce for some pork chops.

We ended up writing a lot about the new trend of advertising on "principled" websites. You see, if the editor of a well respected magazine tells you to buy a product, or a newscaster of a powerful news program tells you to buy something, you give it some consideration. For example, Walter Cronkite made a special point to make sure that any product he endorsed meets his personal standards… and the editors of Brill's Content make sure that the ads in their magazine are representative of their goals, ideals and editorial charter. However, now it's OK for the editors and content providers of popular and well-respected websites to whore out their site to corporate advertisers because "the money helps keep the site alive".
Principles apply to everyone in the media spotlight. That's why the primary things endorsed on this website are bars, tobacco and alcohol, as well as our personal brand of contempt for the world. Things that we can stand behind.

Posted in Chronicles.


The Sausage Chronicles

The Sausage Chronicles
Intro by Avery
Go directly to the Updates

It all started out innocently. I was at an all hands meeting for my division, at a Baltimore Orioles game, talking to a newly-made friend about German food. somehow, in the process of discussing sausages, Pam mentioned that when she was a kid living in Iowa, that she used to get the best sausages from this little home-town shop.

The next day, Pam emailed (is that a word?&#41 me and asked for my address, because she was going to ship me some Bratwurst from that place she was talking about in Iowa.

This last Tuesday (6/30/98&#41, I received a box at my office… filled with 12 2-pound packs of sausages. I talked to Pam about this… she said that she ordered me 12 bratwursts, thinking I would get 12 links (two packs of 6 sausages&#41… not 12 packs of sausage.

This section will chronicle HOW I get through 12 packs of this Bratwurst.

7/1/98
Gave 1 pack of sausages to my Building Manager. In exchange, he gave us some beautiful strawberries from the Farmers' Market.

7/4/98
Bringing 6 packs to a 4th of July party which is being thrown at Shawn's house. Shawn is the President of DoublePlay records, a local record label… and a good friend. Now, I'll finally be able to taste one of these bratwursts. You'll get my tasting notes tomorrow afternoon.

7/5/98
Brought 6 packs of the Bratwursts to the party. Between all the party goers, we went through 2 packs of brats. Marcus from Sherlock's Haven (my local cigar shop&#41 took home another 2 packs.
Current supply of Bratwurst left: 5 packs in freezer, 2 in the fridge.
As a side note, everyone thought that the sausage tasted great! I happen to think that these might be the best Bratwrusts that I have ever had.

7/8/98
My building manager came by and asked for another pack of sausage… down to 1 in the fridge and 5 in the freezer!

7/25/98
Traded 1 pack of sausage to Jeff at Rosamunde, the new sausage grill next to the Toronado for a Wiener Schnitzel on one of his phenomenal rolls. Hope he likes it… I certainly liked what I received in the trade!

8/12/98
Defrosted another pack and cooked up 4 sausages with sweet onions, honey mustard (that I made from Coleman's mustard powder and fresh wild orange blossom honey&#41 and red peppers. Tomorrow, we are going to make up some red-beans and rice with the rest of the pack. 4 packs + 2 sausages left!

8/13/98
Used the last 2 sausages frm yesterday to make a sausage/chicken gumbo. 4 packs left in the freezer.

5/23/99
Threw the last four packs in the freezer as we threw everything out in preparation for the move.

Posted in Chronicles.


A Furry Ball of Razor Claws

One of the more traumatic things that I have ever had to do is to try and stick one of my cats, Odessa, into a cat carrier to take her to the vet. Actually, it doesn't matter where I'm taking her, because as soon as she sees the carrier, she becomes a writhing, yowling flurry of claws.

So this time, I decided to have Mohammed come to the mountain and called a vet that makes house calls. He came yesterday to give the cats their regular physical and their shots. Well… maybe not a regular physical… we just tend to take them to the pet store that administers shots when they need their boosters. Since the cats are healthy, they haven't needed to go in for a physical in ages. I know every cat owner out there is going to send me hate mail for not dragging the cats to the vet every year, but I grew up with the outdoor cats and they didn't need their annual physicals.

The vet arrived and spent the next hour checking the cats and giving them their rabies boosters. The end result: the cats are fine and healthy. No fleas, mites or abnormally swollen organs. They do, however, have horrible tartar and mild gingivitis.

Tartar? Gingivitis?

The doctor told me that we'd need to bring the cats into the office and have their teeth cleaned and their gums scraped. He showed me the plaque build up, and I agree that the tartar deposits are (for a lack of better terms&#41 phenomenal. I mean, I thought one of them was a whole tooth, when it's just really a massive chunk of tartar. We'll bring them in early next month for a good old fashioned flossing.

The funny thing is that this sort of pet affliction seems to have evolved in the last few years as pet owners have started to put more money into the upkeep of their animals. Back when I was growing up, during my cats' less than routine physicals, not once did the vet mention that their cats needed to have their teeth cleaned. Why? Because it's absurd. Over the last 3000 years, cats didn't ever need to have their teeth cleaned. In the wild, hundreds of thousands of felines go every day without a proper brushing. Did you ever hear of a lion or panther getting a cavity? Of course not… but then again, would you want to be the one to ask a tiger to open his mouth and say aaah?

So, we'll bring in our cats to get their incisors cleaned and their molars brushed. I just have to say that part of me finds it completely absurd. I mean, if evolution dictated that cats needed to have their teeth brushed, then wouldn't nature have created a toothbrush for them… or at least opposable claws so they can hold on to my Oral-B Plaque Remover?

Gotta go.. I need to find out if the cat prefers Colgate or Crest.

Posted in Scowls.


The Solution to San Francisco's Problems

So, after five years in San Francisco, we decide to move back to the East coast and, to tell you the truth, we're more than a little excited. We start reading the Hartford Courant and Advocate newspapers on-line, we write to the Hartford Chamber of Commerce for relocation information, and we start to tell people that we're moving.

And do people wish us well? Do they share in our excitement? Do they say, "That's great, I'm happy for you"? The answer to those questions is a big, fat NO. I can't tell you how many cracks I've heard about Connecticut, how many snide comments people have made about Hartford, how many "expert" opinions people feel all too free to spout about how horrible the weather is back there. And if I hear one more "Well, it's no San Francisco!" comment, I can't be held responsible for my actions.

To all of the people who've made snotty, unsupportive comments: You're right! Hartford is no San Francisco. News Flash! That's exactly why we're moving there. In case no one has picked up on it, we don't like San Francisco. We don't want to live here anymore. So disenchanted have we grown of this city, in fact, that we've devoted nearly a year of our lives to venting about it on this very website.

The weather? Well, we both grew up in Connecticut, so we're quite aware of the weather patterns. We're actually looking forward to the couple of months of 70-degree weather and the hot summers which we remember so fondly, as well as the crispness of the fall. And you know what? Snow's not all that bad!

To be fair, not every person has made negative comments about us moving, but it has gotten to the point where it is noticeably more than just a few people. A friend of mine moved from San Francisco to Manhattan just last month. When I found out, did I say "Oh, New York, the crime blah blah blah, the weather ick blah blah too crowded blah blah what the hell do you want to move there for?" No, I didn't, and it honestly boggles my mind why anyone would feel the need to. Do people think that by me hearing their skewed, inane list of why the East coast is Bad and why San Francisco is Good that I will cancel the movers, rip up my plane tickets and stay?

Jesus Christ, people, coordinating a cross-country move in a month's time is stressful, to say the least! I'm quitting a job without having another, I'm putting all of my possessions into a truck and sending it off to drive across the country for seven days, one of the cats won't go anywhere near her cat carrier, and that just scratches the surface. At this point, I honestly do not welcome anyone's comments about how much my new home is going to suck, and I don't like having to constantly justify why I am leaving.

All in all, I'm very disappointed in a lot of people.

Posted in Scowls.


Archived Smirk

As you now know from the front page, Janet and I are leaving San Francisco in a couple of weeks as we embark on the next phase of our live. I was offered a dream job in Connecticut, and we have decided to take take the plunge and head back East.

Janet and I both grew up in Central Connecticut. We went to school there, met there, got our first apartment there and eventually got married in Elizabeth Park in the middle of America's oldest rose garden. We left so that we could make a name for ourselves without having to deal with the pressures of being near family.

Since we left, we lived in Slippery Rock, PA… attended West Virginia University… spent a fun couple of years in Boston and then moved out to San Francisco. It's been ten years since we've called Connecticut home.

But as long as we have lived away from Connecticut, we always found ourselves comparing our newly-adopted cities to Hartford. So, when I received a job offer that would bring us back East… we decided to take it.

Sure, there are people we are going to miss… and there are places that we'll never be able to replace. But I think I am finally at a point where I'd give up the convenience of being able to walk to a Thai restaurant in order to get a humongous apartment and a car that I can park in my own driveway.

So, even though the stress is massive, and the preparation for the move has sucked up every free minute of my life for the last few weeks (hence the lack of postings&#41, I really think that this is the best choice for the two of us.

This is the last entry that I'll be making from San Francisco… but I'm sure that there'll be more than enough to Smirk and Scowl about in Hartford.

See ya on the East Coast.

Posted in Smirks.


Speakeasy Party

Last night was the big Speakeasy Brewing Stock Release Party at the Toronado… and since Janet and I are shareholders, we decided to break out of our work-work-and-more-work rut that we have been stuck in for the last few weeks. So, at 6pm, we dragged ourselves out of the apartment to take that grueling 1/2 block walk to the Toronado.

Ok… maybe I’m exagerating the dragging part. I mean, we do love the Toronado, and we do love Speakeasy beer, and we are friends with Steve, Mike, Eric, Forest and Julia (the Speakeasy crew). Plus, Carlos was going to be there… we decided to brave the fresh air for the 2 minute walk and head over to the bar.

We met up with Carlos on the walk there. He was on the way to our apartment to drop a couple of 64oz Growlers, full with Speakeasy beer that he had purchased for some friends in Atlanta… but when we caught up with him, we were closer to the bar than to our house, so we decided to just head back to the bar and we promised to make sure that he wouldn’t forget to take them home.

Over the next 3 hours, Carlos, Janet and I sat at a table drinking fresh Speakeasy beer with Forest (President), Steve (VP of Sales), Julia (who, I guess, is technically the First Lady of Speakeasy), and a whole host of other bartenders and regulars who came by to inquire about the stock offering and to talk to Forest about the beers.

When Janet and I got home, I suddenly realized that I probably will never have a chance to ever have a night like that again. We only have two weekends left at the Toronado, and after that, we’re on a plane off to Hartford. Sure, we’ll have to come back for the Speakeasy shareholder meetings… but our five year run at the Toronado is finally over.

Then again, there’s all of the new bars in Hartford to discover.

Posted in The Barfly Chronicles.