Toilet paper.
It’s one of those things we just sort of take for granted in life. We find our favorite brand and our favorite color and aside from requirements to buy an “emergency roll” because your brand is out, we stick with it. People are more loyal to their preferred tissue than to their favorite cigarettes or beer.
It becomes so familiar that after getting the same rolls over and over and over, you can just glance at the rack of paper, sense the right packaging, grab it off of shelf and be happy knowing that you will have comfort in your moment of need.
My name’s Avery, and I am a Charmin Comfort man. White as the driven snow.
Only this time, my Charmin betrayed me.
Oh, yes, it looked like my normal Charmin, sitting there in the cabinet. Just a normal 8 pack of toilet paper… and look, a some holly and a wreath on the packaging. Even the toilet paper is getting into the holiday season! Except… why do I smell cinnamon and nutmeg and something that for the life of me smells like Egg Nog every time I open the cabinet?
Christmas scented toilet paper.
Right next to the holly sprig… “Winterduft”. Winter scent. I didn’t even know the season had an official aroma, but obviously I was wrong. Winter smells like a fruitcake and now my ass smells like like it too.
Still, I guess it’s better than some of the more creative scents they could have come up with. Autoduft – diesel fumes and car exhaust… Schweinbratenduft – with the tantalizing smell of pork and potato dumplings… or the more exotic Curryduft – like an Indian restaurant at the end of the shift.
Now if you will excuse me, I have an urge to make some gingerbread.
Seriously. In the oven, you sickos.
