Skip to content

While watching “World Idol”…

A note to anyone ever planning on singing in one of those damned Idol/Popstar/Superstar shows…

The following is a list of bands/musicians that should never be covered. Ever. Especially by rank amateurs like you.

The Doors. I’m not a Jim Morrison freak by any sense of the word, but come on people. Penalty for singing “Light My Fire”? Being lit on fire.

John Lennon. Again, not one of my personal favorites, but nobody should have the gall to try and cover Imagine. This is a song about Lennon’s dream for the future… nobody else’s. Imagine this as a penalty: you’re flown to New York and shot.

Continuing on with doling out ironic punishments…

Thinking of covering Kurt Cobain? I won’t take the obvious route of recommending a shotgun firing squad. Instead, we’ll go with something even more hideous. The penalty for covering a Nirvana song is eternal marriage to Courtney Love.

And here are some more punishments to dole out…

Thinking about covering Mick Jagger? I’ve got an interesting little corner of hell for you… first you’ll be forced to smoke, swallow, inject, absorb or otherwise take in all the drugs consumed by the Rolling Stones and their roadies. Then, you’ll have to sit in a small room with Keith Richards while he plays connect the dots with his track marks. That should take a couple of decades. If you’re still alive by the time he finishes (don’t worry about Keith – like the cockroach, he’ll be around for ever) – a permanent chastity belt should ensure that you can’t get any satisfaction. Hey, hey, hey. That’s what I say.

And finally, thinking about taking that Aerosmith sheet music off the shelf? Well, I don’t really have something worked out for that one. Maybe we’ll just tell them that you knocked Steve’s daughter Liv up and let them deliver a little Boston justice on you. I’m not sure… let me keep working on that one.

Consider yourselves warned, Idols!

Posted in General Ramblings.

31 Responses

Stay in touch with the conversation, subscribe to the RSS feed for comments on this post.

  1. Avery says

    On the subject of Kelly “overproduced, overmarketed and undertalented in both acting and singing” Clarkson – unfortunately, she will most likely win because of the fact that she’s got the American press machine behind her. But next time, she should, oh, I don’t know, pick a song with notes she can hit? Sure, she is talented, but you have to question the intelligence of a first-time singer who decides to star in her own movie. I mean, come on – have some self-respect and realize that to be a good singer is more important than being both a mediocre singer and a piss-poor actress. If she spent the time she spent sleeping through acting school sleeping through voice class, she might have the chance of being successful on her own merits, and not just ending up a flash in the pan whose claim to fame is that she won the 2002 version of “Star Search”. The way she is going, she’s a year away from ending up on the Hollywood Squares.

    Kurt. Good stage presence, great voice. Fuck the American desire for another Britney Spears – all body, dancing and attitude but unable to actually sing. So what if he isn’t leading man material. I, for one, prefer my singers to be able to sing and my actors to be able to act.

    As always, other opinions are welcome – but it’s my site, so I’m always right 🙂

  2. Scottie says

    Diana was ok but cant win
    Ryan was just ok and I dont see what you saw in wills performance.
    of the top 3 kurt and kelly were slightly better and kurt will win because expat scandanavians in “UK belgum netherlands germany and poland will outvote expat Americans in canada and UK.Anyway middle earth idol!!
    He is the man

  3. Avery says

    Anyway, back on to Kurt – the only thing that could make him better is if Lise Myhre (my other favorite Norwegian) designed his cover art.

    And yes, Kurt needs to win and Kelly needs to be shipped back to where she came from.

  4. Paal (Norway) says

    If somebody wants to hear more from him download music from his band Fenrik Lane. HE SINGS GREAT, and it’s great music.

  5. Culf says

    Now, I can’t vote for him, but I hope you will, while I try and firgure out who of the contestants I liked best.
    May the Force be with you

  6. Chris Fawkes says

    Guy Sebastion will win. By a mile.

  7. Andreas says

    B4t be serious about saying that Guy Sebastian has the best voice you have ever heard!! Come on, he
    4s ok but there are plenty ppl on his level and above(maybe not in Australia;). If he was in a competition in the US or even the UK he wouldn
    4t reach far because ppl who can do the same vocal gymnastics better are in abundance. One more thing, he doesn
    4t have a FRO!! He has straight hair that stands out because of chemicals. Obviously he is trying to look and sing black aand that is fine but that ain
    4t no real fro.

  8. Anette says

    Will: Nice voice, tiresome performens. Guy: Nice voice, good connection with the audience.
    Kurt: Unbeliveble, the only one with distinctiveness in his voice… Stop bullying with his appearance, he’s quite charming and has a characteristic radiation. Shame on Simon and GO KURT.

  9. Ana says

    ********* can someone post the final standings as i didnt catch the whole show as it was live in australia at 6:30 am in the morning!!********

  10. Avery says

    Regardless of your allegiance to Kelly or Guy, realize that in the rest of the world, substance is more important than style. Overproduced pop-queens like Kelly and gimmick singers like Guy are less important to the non-English speaking world than actual singers with passion. That’s why even the mighty media machine behind Kelly couldn’t do more than push her into second place.

    As a native English speaker, I had to watch the contestants from the English Speaking Nations, and realize, is this the best that they can offer? Guy was, of all of them, probably the best, putting a little bit of emotional investment into his music. Canada seemed barely interested to sing, and Will from the UK took a song loved in most of the world and made it a bland, pale mockery of it’s original self. That brings us to Kelly, who for all of her handlers and her production team, walked on stage and was passionless and bland. With her singing, it was apparent that she didn’t really give a damn. Did she hit the notes? Yes, at least most of them… but she also served to make “Natural Woman” feel, well, plastic and artificial. George Carlin made a great comment when talking about the blues – it’s not enough to know where to put the notes, you have to know WHY to play them. Kelly at the best knows what, but has no understanding of the why (sorry for the bad paraphrasing there).

    In the end, even though I was not impressed with his choice of Nirvana, the two singers who seemed to pick a song not because it was “sure to win” but because they seemed to have an emotional investment in it, placed first and third overall. That sort of passion communicates to the crowd, and in the end, musical skill triumphed over “sellability”.

    Remember, everybody can have an opinion, but it’s my site, so I am always right 🙂

  11. Bobby says

    I really believe that the Australian judge, Ian Dickinson, signed Guy’s “death warrant” on World Idol by saying that Kurt Nilsen looked “like a hobbit”. If that wasn’t a major factor in the way the world voted, I’ll eat my hat. That’s my $0.02 worth, anyway.

  12. Bobby says

    I would have loved to have seen the full, un-edited show. Apparently the judges were quite brutal – yes, even more so than they showed on TV.

    Anyway, I wish everybody a great 2004!

  13. jo says

    usually called hobbit kurt isn’t that much of a wow person to b oe. he has a low self esteem and a low life person it was utterly dissapionting to wake up at 6.30am in the mourning (australia) to watch the HOBBIT WIN
    ohhhh well i always thought that the blacks can out do many songs ith there vocalls

  14. mohamad says

    HOBBIT the man from Norwegin world idol i think it was really stupid and that the world dosent know what there voting in for. the HOBBIT man dosent have any talent and his a lowlife he needz to fix those teeth of his to make a million dollar smile. For being a world he looks like he dose singing on the streets. I cant believe that this person will be making millions of dollars over nothing

  15. Lessinter says

    HOBBIT the man from Norwegin world idol i think it was really stupid and that the world dosent know what there voting in for. the HOBBIT man dosent have any talent and his a lowlife he needz to fix those teeth of his to make a million dollar smile. For being a world he looks like he dose singing on the streets. I cant believe that this person will be making millions of dollars over nothing”

    Pity that your country men and women disagreed on that, aent it? They Gave Kurt like almost everyone else max. Points. As Jerry Seinfeld would say ‘Oh Oh Ohhhh’. Better luck next time.

  16. Know_one says

    …Guy Sebasation = Feel good song, Unqiue style of apperance

    … Diana Karazoa = good voice i think but …if it was in ENGLISH SHE would have a great line of coming top 5

    … jamai = Anyone can beat him ( Dark Horse)

    … Alexs (Poland) = Really doesn’t fit in ONLY 16 her life just started

    … Heinz Winkler = Naa Only there for the looks
    …Kelly Clarkson = Stong Contestant, Couldn’t stand up infront of Alica Keys OR Christina Aguilera with the high notes

    … Kurt Nilson = UGLY looking, Low Selfesteem Great Voice

    … Peter Everad = New hair cut and NO voice what so ev@

    … Ryan Malcom = 2 Plain for a World Idol

    … Will Young = jaw breaker, feminine act,karaoke goggo, might get a 30% vote from the..IT’S
    One of them are your favorite idols who are about to go for it
    the 1 who will be standing is a/or has a UNIQUE VOICE, High Self Esteem, Confident and make the world shine by your VOTES
    WHO IS IT ???????

    I AM JUST OVER TALKING hOBBit Won know 1 wants to know phhh… ohh well

    next time i am not going 2 watch it

  17. Avery says

    It amuses me that the complaining folks here are Canadian, American, British and most vocally the Aussies – and the complaints are almost 100% across national lines. Americans complain that Kelly lost. Aussies complain that Guy lost. Have we seen one Belgian complain here? Or someone from the Netherlands? Living in Germany, everyone seems to be satisfied with how the results went, and Alexander had a horrible showing.

    Talking about self confidence, Why is it that the Americans and Aussies aren’t just satisfied with having Kelly and Guy as the representatives of their countries? Why is it all or nothing, win first or call it all a sham? Is it so ingrained in the collective personas of these countries that it isn’t good enough just to be in the top two, the top 6, the top 11. It’s all or nothing – you’re either THE winner or one of the losers.

    You need to learn very quickly, chances are, you’re not going to be THE winner everytime. either you need to get used to being a loser, or realise that things aren’t so black and white: just because you do not win does not mean that you have lost.

    Guess what, calling Kurt a Hobbit might be an insult by some people, but being referred to as one of the most loved characters of a genre changing book and an amazing trio of movies certainly isn’t the worst thing to be called.

    On my iPod, looks don’t matter, only the music.
    To the Norwegian Crew – if out of 4.5 Million People you can create Kurt Nilsen and Lise Myhre, you’re ok in my book, even if it costs almost 8 Euros for a beer at the Oslo airport.

    As always, everyone’s opinon is valid, but this is my site and only mine counts 🙂

  18. Ana says

    how the hell did that stupid try hard metal head dude from belgium, peter, get any votes!! he didnt deserve to win or to be in the top 5!! the british guy, will, he couldnt sing for crap!! just coz hes good looking he got votes!! heinz winkler, wat the hell was with him!! the guy cant sing!! kelly clarkson, wat the fuck can i say about this try hard diva!! she has an okay voice, i admit that, its pretty good!! but i dont know how peter, will and heinz bet guy!!! GUY ROCKS!!!! GO THE FRO!! (which isnt really a fro)

  19. Ana says

    i totally agree with all that you have to say!! youre totally correct. being from aus, but actually european, i understand wat ur trying to say. i know that the best man won. i WANTED kurt to win, i thought he had the best voice, his version of beautiful day was better than U2’s Bono!! all that i want to put through is that pplz with quite crappy voices such as peter and will, came higher than guy sebastian!! pplz voted on looks, seriously, i mean, look at guy, he is totally weirdo looking, but he has the greatest voice which “when doves cry” would have totally expressed that, but it wasnt his choice to wat song he could sing so it wasnt fair!!

  20. Avery says

    Should he have placed in the top half or the top 3? Sure. Honestly, I think he was better than the Belgian offering, but I can see how on that performance alone, he didn’t wow the crowds.

    Again, as a native English speaker myself, I send these comments out without any hostility – I just find it VERY interesting.

    EVERYONE READING THIS AND THINKING ABOUT RESPONDING – can we move this thread off of the main site and onto the new forums that I put up for this conversation?

    Thanks, and remember, everyone’s opinions are equal. Mine are just more equal than the others.

  21. Nina says

    Few of the other idol-winners was extreamly good.. it must be Kelly from USA. But she already has a contrakt and is selling cd’s all over the world already..she doesn’t need this. But after all..Kurt rules the world!! He’s the one!

  22. Lise T says

    as for Kelly..I think she seems so arrogant..and I heard that Will wouldn’t shake Kurts hand when they that true?

  23. Jay_88 says

    #Kurt was very good. #Don’t know what the world is smokeing coz there is no way Guy should have come so low.
    #So angry that the producer choice Guys song, because it was definately his weakest. If he sang a different one proboaly would have come at least 2nd maybe even win. #Kurt and Guy should have been top two.
    #Final point – Go hoobbit man! But most of all GO THE FRO!! (well the fake one)!

  24. mohamad says

    I just wanted to point out that Kurt Nilsen who won WORLD Idol isn’t that wow.

    As i have heard his latest song out this made me think twice what the world voted as for me this is a joke for HELL.

    1. Kelly Clarkson shouldn’t have one because *

    1. She is already a star and if other singers when in like Christina Aguilera or Alica Keys was in it she couldn’t have a long chance

    And i realy thought that GUY SEBASTION ( What ever ) you call the GREMLIN was quite good for an idol who has won AUSTRALIAN IDOL a month ago THANX AUSTRALIA if you want GUY 2 win then why where you so late to do everythihng don’t get affended or anything. BUT, i really think next time you should have also show THE WORLD how talented he is . OHH… if everyone is Shooked that KELLY OR GUY didn’t win then why DID THE WORLD Put GUY in 7th place how harsh is that 2 australia .


    WE ARE NOT IN mARS OR vENUS !!!!!!!!!

  25. streve says

    the pan- arabic singer Diana Karazon really expressed the song with deep inpurfanity for her country .

    When Lebanon tallied there votes ….. Hey guess what Kurt Came 2nd LAST










  26. MOTHER says


  27. Ana says

    peter didnt deserve to come third, he should have been fifth or sixth.

    go guy!!

  28. Josh says

    Ryan (Canada) was great

    Kelly was good

    Alexender was good

    Kurt Nilsen was good

    every one else sucked

    I think that Ryan Malcom should have wan

  29. Jay88 says

    He was like a gay stripper/arobics instructer/porn * !!! (oh and couldn’t sing)

    GO GUY!!!!

  30. Mother says

    kurt kurt kurt

    lets see if he can be a world fornominon
    we ARE in earth arn’t wee…

    shit i am speaking french already

Some HTML is OK

or, reply to this post via trackback.