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Slumming Yuppies

On Saturday night we planned to go out to the Toronado, as usual. Knowing that it has been overrun with yuppies as of late, we thought that it would be smarter to go later, at around 11:00 PM, rather than our usual 9:00. Unfortunately for us, we were wrong, wrong, wrong. We opened the door to find, literally, wall-to-wall sweaters-over-shoulders-wearing, Corona-loving, screechy yuppies. Sit at the bar? Ha! We couldn’t even get anywhere near the bar. It was bad, bad, bad. Funny, I just read on that the “slumming yuppies who packed Lower Haight bars on weekends during the neighborhood’s hipness apex are more scarce these days…” That’s some real good journalistic researchin’, there, Miss Sidewalk Contributor. When did you go, 11:30 AM on a Sunday? Another amusing Sidewalk caption under a picture of Dave reads “Every hour is happy hour for beer lovers at the Toronado” the key words here being beer lovers, which, the way I see it, doesn’t include the Bud Lite and Miller-swilling groups of clueless wonders who wander in, don’t like any of the 46 beers on tap, ask to see the bottled beer list (thinking that they will find Budweiser in the bottle, or Corona in the bottle, or Heineken in the bottle,) and getting all bent out of shape when they find out that the bottled list is made up of various Belgian beers, in the bottle.

And what’s the deal with yuppie girls who go to a bar and don’t order anything? I mean, Jesus, at least get a root beer or a water or something. I watched two yuppie girls with glitter all over their faces (note to body glitter wearers: unless you’re in a Broadway show, it doesn’t look sexy. No, as a matter of fact, you don’t look like a fairy princess who has been kissed by the morning dew.) emptyhandedly stand around for a while, then sit in someone else’s seat (when called on it, the blonde one said, “Well, I’ll just keep it warm”), then perch atop some kegs in the corner, and maybe they just didn’t have any money or something, because then their prospective mates arrived and I think that the blonde glitter girl and her maybe-boyfriend finally ordered one beer each, which pretty much lasted them the entire 2+ hours that they were sitting there. The dark-haired glitter girl just sat there looking bored and annoyed.

Posted in The Barfly Chronicles.

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