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Topic #2
My Neighbors. I think I'll kill them.




Ok, now before one of you bleeding heart liberals start calling the police on me, let me clarify the topic. I don't really want to kill my neighbors, there is only one of my neighbors who I really want to kill.

Upon further consideration (and some advice from my legal counsel&#41… I really don't want to kill my downstairs neighbor. I just want to hurt him really badly.

I am not sure what annoys me more… the fact that even though he is TWO FLOORS under our apartment I can still hear his wannabe pseudo-techno god-awful music thump thump thumping so loud that the cats freak out OR the fact that when you knock on his door that he doesn't acknowledge that there is anyone out there OR the fact that when you confront him the next day he can't recall that he was even playing music the last night.

ARRGH! It makes me so mad that I want to go out to his circuit breaker, kill the power, and stand outside his door, waiting for him to come out so I can introduce him to by friend Louisville Slugger.

The damn thing is this: EVEN though I have called the cops twice on him and EVEN though I have complained to the landlord (who, by the way, is great man who is between a rock and a hard place due to this schmuck&#41… if I ever threatened this arrogant bastard, I'd be the one arrested.

Why the hell can't people take personal responsibility for their actions anymore?

The guy who lives two floors below us makes me so tense.  I mean, he makes my blood pressure go so sky-high that I feel short of breath.  All of this stress simply because either he's deaf, or he thinks the rest of the other 9 apartments are, because he plays his stereo at the loudest volume possible, with the loudest bass possible.

We're talking so loud that we can hear the songs over our TV set…and this is TWO floors away!  TWO!  And this isn't just a couple of hours on a Friday or Saturday night, no sir.  It is completely without warning, just unpredictable enough so that you have to sit anxiously on the edge of the couch for the rest of the night (20 minutes of music, 10 minutes of silence, 30 minutes of music, 30 minutes of silence…has he stopped for good?&#41. 

 I once left work at 10:00 AM with a sickmaking migraine headache. When I got home the music was on!  On another occasion I came home from a terrible day at work.  At 5:00 PM the music was on! One night I was trying to relax and get ready for bed (8:00 PM this time&#41 What? You guessed it!  Music!  On!

The peculiar thing about this situation is the fact that we had lived here for, like two years without hearing a peep out of this guy. Then all of a sudden it was like an epidemic, happening every day.  Then for about a year it was relatively quiet again. He's very cyclical, that neighbor.

You would think that complaining and calling the police would get him evicted. But NO!  In San Francisco, everyone has rights…and it's almost impossible to evict someone without a docket chock full of a year's worth of proof.  I could go on and on about the earplugs and Nytol I had to buy, but he just shut off the music.  I hope it's for good this time! 

Posted in Topics of the Week (1990s).

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