Excuse You!

After hearing girl after nauseating girl use the phrase “Excuse You!” whenever someone accidentally bumped into them without saying anything, I decided that I hate that phrase. It seems so ineffective to me; I mean, why not just call the person an asshole and be done with it? Anyway, Wednesday night at the Toronado was OK, that is until a couple came up to the bar and asked for some mixed drink or another, and when they couldn’t get that they hemmed and hawed and the girl didn’t know what to do since she obviously didn’t like any kind of beer, and the guy started panicking too and eventually ordered an Anchor Steam, which is the cheapest, most mainstream beer available. After squirming around and “umming” and “I don’t know-ing” for five minutes, the girl finally settled on a Raspberry Cider (no surprise there), then they dragged a bar stool over and both tried to squeeze into the one-person–sized space next to me at the bar while the girl tried to appear as if she actually had a brain. “Apple Cider and Raspberry Cider taste exactly the same,” she said to her date. “This is good. It’s really…soft.” As she fidgeted around, trying to adjust herself on her bar stool, she elbowed my arm…hard enough to slam my pint glass against my teeth as I went to take a drink of my Guinness. I just stared at her, waiting for her to acknowledge that she almost caused me to spill my entire beer all over my face, but she just stared straight ahead, ignoring me, elongating her neck like some sort of retarded swan. I couldn’t think of anything to say to her; I was speechless. Ironically enough, the only thing that came to mind was “Excuse You!” but I couldn’t say that…I wouldn’t say that. So I said nothing, but we all mocked them incessantly until they moved to a table. [Note: after all was said and done, the girl couldn’t even finish one pint of her “soft” Raspberry Cider. *Snort* Figures.]