While searching for a new receptionist to replace the one who unexpectedly quit, the company I work for was forced to hire a lot of temps, as no one seems to want to just answer phones, open mail and order office supplies for a living anymore, especially for under $30,000 a year. I just don't get kids today. When I was 20, 21, 23 years old, I was desperate for a job just like that, and as a matter of fact, I took a job just like that, just so I could have the semi-security of being employed somewhere. Now, what with all the success stories of the 20-something kids in Silicon Valley who are becoming millionaires practically overnight with their internet startup companies, people fresh out of college will consider an entry-level position only if it comes with an assurance that they will get a promotion within 3 – 6 months. So, since no one wanted the job, it was Temp City.

I personally never understood "career temps," people who do nothing but temporary work. I mean, I myself signed up with a temporary agency when I moved to San Francisco, mostly because I was terrified of not having any money to pay the rent and buy food, but it turned out to be a really shitty one that only gave me one assignment within a 30-day period, so I desperately turned to the want ads where I found my entry-level position.

The Bitter and Sullen Temp: Who, when asked if she was by any chance looking for a permanent position, frowned and abruptly replied: "No! I'm only going to be here for two days, right?" I wonder if her "I hate doing this shit" attitude has helped her fulfill her dreams of being a temp-for-life.

The Beyond Over-Qualified Temp: Constantly asked if there was any projects she could undertake. Was more professional than many of the current staff; was cheerful, polite, helpful and smart but didn't want the position permanently because she was "at an executive assistant level." This made me wonder why she was temping so much, because she was obviously qualified to get a permanent job anywhere she wanted at the drop of a hat.

The Confused 19-Year-Old Temp: The day she started, this one immediately started using the company's main internet account to respond to personal ads, discuss her lesbianism/girlfriend issues, and tell perfect strangers about her fantasy of being part of a threesome. I found it interesting that she misspelled such words "fantasy" ("fantacy"), "to" (used "too" where "to" should have been), and "broken" ("brocken") but managed to spell the word "masturbate" correctly. Did not have any office/business/workplace experience whatsoever, as evidenced by her tendency to transfer phone calls by voicing into a person's office and, to get their attention, repeating their name over and over again in a sing-song, little-girl voice.

The Completely Useless Temp: We had one temp who had absolutely no skills whatsoever aside from being able to pick up a telephone and make herself look pretty. She had absolutely no clue as to how to type or use Microsoft Word or Excel. Geez, why bother trying to find office-type work? Why not become a supermarket checker? Or a kept woman?

Finally, there was The New Receptionist:  Too young, too cheerful, and much too eager to please absolutely everyone. Yet another example of someone who cannot seem to figure out MS Word, and who was not even aware of the "Help" function (until I pointed out that it wasn't me.) What's the deal with not knowing simple word processing/spreadsheet programs? Call me overly anal, but the night before my first job interview, I actually studied Excel, just in case that I had to prove that I knew it. If this new apathetic and unknowledgeable bunch of kids represents our future, then maybe it's not such a bad thing, this Y2K world-ending theory.

LAS VEGAS RE-CAP
I don't need to see your high beams… Flight Attendant Fashion
I fly. Constantly. Ok, not constantly, but I'm traveling on average once a month either for business or pleasure. My last trip, to Cleveland, was on America West and United. This trip to Las Vegas was flown solely on United Shuttle.

So, what's the difference between United and United Shuttle? The food is the same… crappy "safari mix" and sodas. The planes are the same (primarily Boeing 727 and 737 aircraft, the "no leg room, no storage space, really loud engines" planes that make up the majority of the 1-4 hour flights in this country&#41. My premier card works on both airlines, so I can board before the rest of the sardines rushing to get on the plane. So, really, what's the difference?

It's the outfits. Call me crazy, but there's something settling when you walk on an airline to see a steward or stewardess in a starched white shirt, tie and dark blue slacks (or skirts&#41 … which is the de rigeur outfit of the United flight attendant. They look professional, like a police officer or at least a garage attendant. When I see them, I think "Hey, if there's any trouble, they're trained on what to do."

United Shuttle, however, opted not to have its attendants wear the well-tailored quasi-militaristic outfits, and instead decided to outfit their flight attendants in monogrammed polo shirts, dockers and sneakers. I walked onto the plane and instead of thinking "I feel safe with these people in charge" I thought "We're being served by camp counselors??"

I dress comfortably when I'm at the office, opting for dockers and button down shirts. But still, when I go in front of a customer, I'm in a suit and tie. I try to represent my company as professionally as possible. I believe that to a point, you are what you wear. If I was in front of a customer wearing jeans and a Toronado T-shirt, I would behave more casually… and if I was wearing a suit and tie at the Toronado, I'd probably be so stick-in-the-mud that the bartenders would ask if they could remove the stick out of my ass before I ordered my second round. When people dress casually at work, they tend to be casual towards the service they give their clients.

So, here I am on the plane, watching this counselor-esque flight attendant… in her white polo-shirt with not only her blue dockers and scuffed white sneakers, but a pair of head-lights sticking out from under her bra.

I certainly don't know what was so exciting about the flight… 45 minutes from take-off to landing, and I could barely stay awake, but as I left, here was cheery Counselor Sunshine saying buh-bye and pointing the way out of the fuselage with her erect nipples.

Now I know what they mean by "Come fly the friendly skies…"