Scowl, Nu?

Gays in the army. Women in submarines. Is anybody else sick of hearing the Moral Majority complain about this sort of crap?

Here and now, you will get Avery's first and last commentary on the issue.

In a so-called professional military machine where there is honor and discipline in the ranks, you shouldn't have to worry about ANYTHING happening to ANYONE in the shower or the training grounds or the battle fields.

That's the message that the United States Military tried to espouse when it first "allowed" women into the ranks to train and eventually fight alongside with male soldiers. To say that either a straight man would have to worry about the unwanted advances of a gay soldier when in combat or that a woman would allow a situation to occur where she would get pregnant, jeopardizing the safety and morale of her submarine and shipmates would then be ludicrous.

That is, unless the message from the Pentagon is just a sham and that the military can't control its soldiers and officers. So, tell me, which is it?

This sort of crap only comes up in times of peace. If, God forbid, there is ever a war that causes the government to reinstate the draft, do you think that any inductee will be asked their sexual preference? Do you think that women will be restricted submarine duty? Of course not. Then the Moral Majority would praise all of the Fine Men and Women of the Armed Forces who sacrifice so mush in this time of great need. But not now. Now the message is how anyone who is different is a threat to morale. Funny, in World War II they said the same message about blacks in the military… and sixty years later the military still stands.

Personally, if anybody, regardless of gender, sexuality, medical condition, you name it – wants to serve and defend their country – who the hell is anybody to tell you that you can't? Why is it that a gay man cannot choose to serve their country but has an equal chance of being drafted into serving their country? It's this sort of specious reasoning that is destroying the fiber of America.

Well, never let it be said that ol' Avery never did his part. Here goes a message out to any homosexual interested in serving in the military or woman interested serving in a submarine: I, Avery Glasser, being of sound mind and body, upon the re-instatement of the draft will pass along my draft ticket and number to the first candidate interested in serving his or her country. No questions asked. You can take my place on the front line dodging bullets.

And if it bothers the poor little soldiers that they have to fight alongside someone different from them and it kills morale to the extent that some politicos want you to believe, maybe this nation doesn't deserve to exist anymore.

A little rain, a little lightning and a whole lot of humidity. Welcome to Hartford in the spring.

Let me ask you this: in the year 2000, am I the only one who really cares about their job, the only one who actually likes to work? I know I've gone on about this before, but what's the deal with this new breed of people who are entering/re-entering the work force? What happened to the concept of The Boss? What happened to the slightly tense, hierarchical relationship between employer and employee? I mean, this new breed's attitude is largely one of "It's my way or the highway" – they're in control now! They call the shots! They say, "this is how I'm going to do this job, and tough titties if you don't like it."

Here's an example. If my boss said something to me, the gist of which was: "Look, you've got a month and a half's worth of paperwork here that needs to be filed and you'd better get on that because I can't find anything I need in order to do business with my clients efficiently and professionally," I would first of all be fraught with nervousness and anxiety that I was not doing my job as well as I could, or as well as he expected from me, and secondly, I would bust my ass trying to get it done tout suite. What I would not do is immediately jump to the defensive and offer up some haughty commentary on how I had already filed a few things this morning.

These clock watchers, though. They come in not a minute early and leave not a minute late and make damn sure they take 60.0 minutes for lunch – no more, no less. Does the concept of a career not exist anymore? Do people just have jobs now? What the hell happened to society? I know the American work ethic has suffered for decades now, but am I a dinosaur, or what? Does anyone else love their job?

Don't get me wrong — I'm not advocating a 7-day work week, and I'm not saying we should go back to the "yes sir, no sir, anything you say sir" type of brown-nosing, slave-esque work environment, with the powers that be storming around pointing their fingers in the air and yelling things like "You're fired, Johnson, clear out your desk!" and Johnson meekly shuffling out with his cardboard box, the sad contents of which are a dying spider plant, a snow globe and a few swiped felt-tip markers, as a somber air fills the room and everyone stops talking, stands up, and watches him leave (though wouldn't that be cool to see, just once?) — but I like what I do and like who I work with (for the most part, obviously) and I like the feeling of getting the job done, and impressing the people I work for, and if that means staying an extra 15, 30 or even 60 minutes, so be it! Is anyone else out there driven and ambitious, or did that attitude towards work disappear when the '80's were over?

I wish I could search for solidarity on the net, but what the hell would I even ask Jeeves?

"Jeeves, are there any career-minded, driven, hard-working individuals in the world who are completely fed up with working with lacksadasical, apathetic, ignorant, unworldly people who are not team players?"

Can someone please explain to me those emotionless, humorless, ethicless, brainless robototrons who do what they're told (but only what they're told), ask inane common-sense questions, don't follow through, who when 5:00 rolls around take whatever time-sensitive issues they're working on and shove them in a desk drawer because "it's 5:00 and it's been a long day!" and "why should I stay later if no one's going to give me more money/some other type of reward?" Because the reward should come at the end of the road, so to speak. Because you will prove yourself to your superiors and earn the respect of me, your co-worker. Because those silly rewards like plants and flowers and novelty coffee mugs and gift certificates only serve one purpose: to keep you where you are – an assistant position – and discourage you for asking for what you may really deserve two or three or five years down the line – a promotion. You simple-minded fools!

You can lead a woman to a job, but you can't make her think.

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