Scowl, Nu?

Topic #2
My Neighbors. I think I'll kill them.

One of our favorite candy bars is the KitKat Bar. You know why it's so great: four sugar wafers covered in milk chocolate. For the first time ever, the two of us had a chance to try the British made version of the KitKat Bar due to the good graces of Sunrise Market, a British specialty foods shop in San Francisco.

What did we think of the British version in comparison to the good ol' American version of our beloved candy bar?

The Technical Facts:

This is the Front Page Chronicles… a listing of our favorite header pages.

7-6-99 Drip. Drip. Drip.

If you haven't seen it on the news, the weather here in Hartford is depressingly hot. It's 10:30pm right now, and we have a heat index somewhere over the hundred degrees mark. Needless to say, it's hard to get motivated to do anything.

It gets worse. The computer is in the hottest room of the house, which at this time is a couple of degrees above the unbearable mark. The fan isn't helping at all.

So, please bear with us when it comes to the update schedule over the next few days.

Tonight, Janet was able to sit in the sauna of a computer room long enough to write a Scowl about the oppressive heat, while Avery sat in the living room with a liter and a half of Poland Springs water as he tried in vain to rehydrate.

Back to schvitzing (that's sweating for the Yiddishly uninclined)…

6-16-99 We're back!
Greetings from Hartford, CT!

When we last left off, your courageous Scowlers, Avery and Janet, were getting ready to leave the self-proclaimed babylon that is San Francisco for their ancestral homeland of Hartford County, Connecticut… and as you can see from the entries that we have posted, it's been a long, strange trip.

As we told you before we went on break, there have been a number of changes put into the site over the last few weeks. The message boards are gone, and the Lower Haight Resource Guide has been passed to our fellow Lower Haight denizens at cyberzen.com (URL to be posted later).

The Topic of the Week is now gone, but it has been replaced with the Commuter Hell section of the Chronicles. We've also expanded the old Barfly Chronicles to include beer reviews as well as notes on the local bar scene in Hartford (yes, there is a bar scene here)!

You'll find some other differences with the layout of the entries, and the site is now heavy on the Dynamic HTML… so if you experience any Javascript or CSS rendering errors, please let us know!

It's good to be back!

5-13-99 – The end of an era…
Well, we told you that something big was going to happen, and it finally has.

As of May 14, 1999, Scowl, Nu? is going on hiatus for approximately 30 days as we get ready to leave the dysfunctional land of San Francisco and move across the country to our ancestral home of Hartford, CT.

So, what does this mean to the website?

When Scowl, Nu? comes back online on (or about) June 21, there will be some frank changes. First off, the Lower Haight Resource Guide will be discontinued. If any San Francisco resident wants to inherit that section, please let us know. Until then, the LHRG will stay online, but it will not be updated.

Some sections will be removed immediately. The first thing that will go is the message boards. Let's face it, people didn't use them, and if we decide to relocate servers, we don't want to go through the hassle of setting them up again.

The Topic of the Week is also discontinued. We'll move the entries to a new Archives section. The Archives will be the repository for any Chronicles that are no longer being updated.

A number of our favorite Chronicles will also be discontinued. The MUNI Chronicles will be moved to the Archives, as the chronicle focused on the San Francisco bus system. The Boxing Chronicles completed with Avery's Golden Gloves competition… and until we find a new boxing gym, the chronicles are closed. Also, the Sausage Chronicles are officially closed, as we threw out the final packs of bratwurst as part of the pre-move cleaning.

The Barfly Chronicles will be updated with our attempt to find a new local bar in Hartford, and will become the flagship Chronicle. We're also planning the addition of a new section called the Fashion Faux Pas List.

Other than that, the format and look-and-feel will probably remain the same. However, if we were ever planning on changing the site, now would be a good time, nu?

Signing off for the last time from San Francisco,

5/9/99 – Is it a sign?

I know that it's silly to find omens in television programs… but when you see The Simpsons mention both Mensa and Hartford, CT in a single episode, you know that they're trying to tell you something.

Then again, they were both mocking our ancestral home city and an organization that we both belong to… but still, it's an omen I tell you! An omen!

Unfortunately, life has been hectic here at Scowl central. Avery was sent on an emergency business trip on the 4th and 5th, and the weekend was packed with the typical drudgery. Oh yeah, we attended a wedding Saturday night… but with the way the week is shaping up, it might not be until Wednesday until you'll be able to read about it.

We'll put something new up soon. We promise, but until then, check the What's New section to see what we have updated most recently.

1/28/99 – Aspara-piss and just plain pissed off.

There's nothing worse than the scent of your own pee after eating a half-of-a-pound of asparagus. Yeesh!

This morning, we created this new animated gif for our friends at Sony.

What do you think?

Last night, we updated the Observation Lounge, Topic of the Week and a few of the Chronicles.

As always, you can check the What's New section for a complete update of what was updated and when it was last changed.

Back to the daily grind…

1/18/99 -Some of those girls get those muff mohawks…

We just love HBO.

Given the choice of either watching Jack Wagner pine over his floozie du jour on Melrose Place or watching Tracey Ullman talking about mohawked muffs on Tracey Takes On… what would you pick?

Where else in this overly conservative, puritanical society can you see a slice of real life… where people swear, smoke, drink, strip, and yes… even forget to cover up their chest with the sheet after making love (or even after just screwing around)?

Come on folks. Let's get ready for the new millenium by pulling that stick out of our collective ass! Aren't Americans ready to watch a television show where they don't have to cut away every time someone does something enjoyable?

Click on What's New to find out what's been updated. Be sure to check out the Scowls where you can read about Janet's bout with feminism or you can read Avery's Boxing Chronicle update, where you can find out what we do when we're not at the bar. Then again, you can just read the Barfly Chronicles or even tonight's Smirks and find out what we did do at the bar this weekend. That's right… we've got something for everyone here at Scowl, Nu!

Guten Nacht, folks.

1/10/99 – HBO. It Rocks.

Well, we're watching a new show on HBO called The Sopranos. Just like Oz, Sex and the City, Dennis Miller Live and Arli$$, it's another winner for HBO… which we think has the best shows on TV these days. It's nice being able to watch a show where the strippers can be topless and the main characters can drink, swear and smoke. Maybe some day, all television will be like HBO.

Even though we were busy this weekend, we still had time to write up some Scowls, Barfly Chronicles and Boxing Chronicles.

Anyway, it's time for some sleep…

12/16/98 – Why in God's Name was Brian Setzer on 90210?

Wednesday night…

Nothing to say.

Janet updated the Observation Lounge with a tale of nausea and large pieces of beef while Avery just sat on his dead ass and watched.

Ta!

12/14/98 – Ally McMuffin – Egg whites on cold, dry white bread. No Calories.

Well, it seems that the managers of the NIC for the NU Domain have selected us as the ".NU Site of the Week"… it's sort of on par as being selected as the InterNIC site of the week if you had a .com/.net/.org domain… if the InterNIC did that sort of thing. They called Scowl a "Quirky Site"… we can live with that sentiment :)

Monday night means it's an update night for us. Avery wrote about Sunday's Belgian Beer Festival in the Barfly Chronicles and Janet ranted about travel agents in Scowls.

In addition, the Message Boards are becoming a little active this week, so go and vent your spleen and write something.

Anyway, it's late and it's time to get some sleep…

12/9/98 – BLACKOUT!

Yesterday, at 8:18am Pacific Time, the power just shut off. Click.

It stayed that way until 2pm. During those six hours, the city was without power. Completely.

Throughout the day (and evening)… we'll be writing about the San Francisco Blackout of 1998.
Avery has written the first few entries about the blackout. Check the Observation Lounge for the first part, and then head to the Chronicles for more tales of

THE GREAT BLACKOUT OF 1998

We'll update the What's New section as we load more entries.

Back to writing!

11/22/98 – Another weekend is over…

Another weekend is over… but at least it is only three days until a four day weekend. Ha!

Janet and I spent Friday night at Hotel Sofitel just to get away from the city. We followed the fine French dinner that we had delivered to our room with a lunch at In-n-Out Burger and an afternoon at Fry's Electronics before heading home for an evening at the Toronado.

We konw that last week was a light week for us writing, but we're back in the swing of things now. In addition, we've updated the Barfly Chronicles, Smirks, and Observation Lounge for your Monday morning reading pleasure.

Time for dessert!

11/18/98 – This Zip Code Ain't Big Enough For the Two of Us

Well, I'll be! Dylan McKay returned to 90210. Next thing you know, he and Noah will be standing on a dusty road somewhere comparing notes:

"I'm a rebel."
"So'm I."

"I had a lotta money and then lost it all."
"Me, too."

"Well, I had a drinking problem."
"Been there, done that."

"My father died a violent death."
"Ditto."

Long Pause

"Oh yeah, well I lived on a BOAT, man."
"Shit. I never got a boat."

Avery is feeling overworked and generally blah these days, so I'm the only one who did updates tonight.

Nightie night, rabbit, nightie night.

11/12/98 – The beginning of the end…

It's official. California's Proposition 10 has passed. Cigarettes will go up by 50 cents a pack, and cigars and pipe tobacco taxes will go up 97%.

The damndest thing is that this law was written by Rob "Meathead" Reiner himself. Only in California, home of Senator Bono, President Reagan and Mayor Eastwood would a second rate comedian get a chance to write legislation.

Needless to say, this has outraged the local cigar community, and it is quite possible that a number of small local shops will shut down, rather than becoming defacto tax collectors.

Hopefully, the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals will find some way to invalidate the vote (which won by less than .02%) or constitutionally annul the law.

California just doesn't seem to be a great place to live anymore.

11/10/98 – Oh, those wacky San Franciscans!

First, some activists throw a pie in Mayor Willie Brown's face (it's about time someone tarnished the eternally-grinning face of Mr. "I'm in People Magazine and had a small, non-recurring role on Suddenly Susan.") They were promptly put behind bars, where they still sit without bail!

Then we hear something on the news about a homeless person's throat being slashed. They eventually catch the guy and, come to find out, he says that he did it because he was a vampire.

Only in San Francisco.

10/28/98 – Kindred Spirits

This evening, Dennis Miller said something that really applies to Scowl, Nu?: I have whittled my demographics down to a jaded few. Sometimes, we look at the stats on who is coming to the site, and even though we pick up some new readers every day, it is the few jaded people who come back, day after day that show us that we're doing something right.

That, and Dennis Miller also said one thing that we've tried to so eloquently tell movie goers in San Francisco: Shut your blathering pie hole, you fat fuck!
Thank god he was renewed for another season.

In other news, with all of this talk about the President and his Hoes, we decided that we should get Hoes of our own. So, tonight, we went out to the Toronado to enjoy a couple glasses of Hoegaarden Whites.

Of course, you can read about this in detail in the Barfly Chronicles. We've updated lots of stuff, so just check the What's New page to see what we have updated.

Time to get to sleep.

10/26/98 – Ally McBeal watch – 27 pounds and dropping.

Just another night of Fox's Must Snooze TV.

Here's a big fat "Whatever" to Fox for the parody of itself, Melrose Place. it's stopped even being amusing anymore. Yet, we still watch, trying to figure out Amanda's Big Secret. Argh!

Tune in next week when Ally McQuarterPounder eats a grain of rice.

While you ponder these strange cosmic occurrences, take a look at Janet's updates to the Muni Chronicles and the Smirks.

Avery added a link to Stone Brewing on the links page… aah, Stone Brewing. Creators of Arrogant Bastard Ale.

Time to get some sleep.

10/15/98 – Where has all the flatware gone?

Though we bought a set of silverware that (we think) contained 4 of each utensil, we have just now discovered that some of them are missing. 1 spoon, 1 small fork, 1 large fork and 2 knives… gone! At first I thought that maybe our elderly building manager was pilfering the utensils one by one (he watches our cats when we go on trips…not to mention that he has a key anyway.) Then we thought that maybe we had lost some and forgotten about it.

Knowing us and our bouts of absent-mindedness, we'll probably find them in the freezer or something.

We spent all of our energy on this week's Topic of the Week, so we didn't have time to update anything else. We'll be making more updates on Friday night, and all throughout the weekend.

Are you all still enjoying the new layout of Scowl? No? Well, if you prefer the old layout, you can click here.

Enjoy!

10/13/98 – Wyoming… another state we'll never go to.

This morning, the father of one of those wretched pieces of human filth accused of murdering Matthew Shepard ignorantly stated, "Had this been a heterosexual these two boys decided to take out and rob, this never would have made the national news."

Hey, you dipshit bigot piece of trash… your son attacked and killed a man for the sole reason that he was gay and flirted with him. Guess what, if it was a heterosexual girl who had flirted with that white-trash psychopath, he wouldn't have planned to hunt her down, mug and eventually murder her. You pitiful excuse for a parent. You raised a child who thinks that it is acceptable behavior to mug people. You are just as guilty in this murder as your kid.

In less angry news, we've started work on a re-vamp of the Barfly Chronicles. The bulk of it is already done, and we'll be finishing it up by the end of the week, but if you check it out now, you'll get a good idea of where it is going.

Are you all still enjoying the new layout of Scowl? No? Well, if you prefer the old layout, you can click here. We're updating a lot of stuff tonight, and we've already picked a new Topic of the Week for Friday morning… it'll be something to launch you into the weekend.

We've updated the Barfly Chronicles, Scowls, and Observation Lounge

Enjoy!

9/30/98 – Two Minutes to Borg Space

Why is it that all Star Trek aliens are either sepia-colored and bald or just a normal looking person with spots, dots, ridges or a piece of gum stuck to their faces?

While you ponder that question, why don't you give the updated sections a look see. We've updated almost every section, so check the What's New section for a list of what's changed.

Time to shower and get ready for bed…

9/28/98 – During Ally McFreakingBeal.

We're back. Did you miss us?

We just got back from a vacation in Seattle where we celebrated Avery's birthday, drank a lot of beer and coffee, caught the musical RENT for the upteenth time (really just the sixth time), and just vegged out. But now it's Monday night and we're back.

Bad news: the Topic of the Week won't be updated until Tuesday night.
Good News: We'll be changing the Hotel Chronicles from a business trip based chronicle to a general trip based chronicle. This is where we'll add the stories about our trip to Seattle. Expect part of them by Wednesday night.

Anyway, back to dinner and unpacking!

9/21/98 – Never forget that exercise can kill you.

Within a few weeks, The Gap will probably re-release the Monica Dress (Available in Black, Cream and Navy). Ken Starr will start whoring himself on the lecture circuit and the presidency (not the President himself) will be ruined. I hope as a nation that we're all satisfied.

The Press Release above might be racy… maybe even a bit disgusting, but what we've allowed Ken Starr to the institution of the Presidency is truly perverse.

9/17/98 – Damn, that was some fine chicken!

We always think that we will have a lot of time to write after we get home from work, but for some reason 11:00 PM always rolls around all too soon, and we're still typing, and the TV is distracting us and our sleep defecit is getting bigger and bigger…so, to summarize:

Watching: An episode that we've already seen of The Larry Sanders Show
Drinking: Water and All-Sport sport drink
Eating: Chicken, mexican rice and non-fat refried beans
Wanting: more time in the day
Listening to: the cat's "smokers meow." (Don't worry, we've never seen her smoke)

Nevertheless, we've updated some stuff, so have at it!

9/10/98

This afternoon, Vagabond Jim, a fellow Lower Haight denizen sent us an email with a correction to the Lower Haight Resource Guide. While making the correction… suddenly, we became wracked with guilt. You see, when we used to check the server logs regularly, it seemed like nobody ever went to the LHRG, so we stopped updating it. But now that we know that locals like Jim are coming around, it's motivation to start updating it regularly again. So, expect some updates over the next week to get it more up to date.

Of course, at the bottom of Jim's email were links to his web projects, Vagabondage and Superdeluxe which led us to a great hang out called the Spacebar.

If either of us are on the Spacebar, the picture above will say that we're online so you can come on and chat with us. Our login name is scowl. Original, ain't it?

Almost everything has been updated… so check the What's New section.

Happy Wednesday… only two days until the weekend!

— Avery and Janet

9/2/98 – While our muscles recover from Boxing

Ouch. Yesterday we worked ourselves to death boxing… so tonight, we are spending the evening writing and waiting for our muscles to stop screaming.

Almost everything has been updated, including the MUNI and Boxing Chronicles. Also, since it is now September, the Scowls, Smirks and Observation Lounge entries for August have been moved to their archive pages… just go to the September pages and there are links to the August (as well as June and July) entries.

On a side note, we were indirectly asked by a journaller if Scowl, Nu? is really an online journal. At first I figured that she meant is what we are writing real, or fiction… to which we answered, it's real. However on a deeper level, is Scowl, Nu? really a journal?

When we decided to create Scowl, Nu? we saw it as the beginning of an online community… with articles, stories, message boards and an online record of what's making us smirk and scowl, with the focus on being bitter, but not angry.

Scowl is 100% non-fiction, completely autobiographical, personal, and updated regularly… so in that way, it is a journal. However, Scowl, Nu? is also an online publication. Though we are completely truthful in what we write on the site, we aren't completely open with you, our readers. This isn't the sort of site where you'll get our deepest, darkest secrets… or where we'll beat our breasts as we wail at the gods for the fate that they have dealt us. Sorry, we just don't know all of you that well… and what little of a private life we have is, well, private. Scowl, Nu? is our personal online publication that talks about that quirky thing called Our Life in San Francisco.

Like we said on the first day that we started this site:

So, why do we call this Scowl, Nu? Because sometimes there is nothing better to do in life than scowl.

So, come on, Scowl, why don't you?

8/31/98 – During Oz on HBO

The Links Section is in the process of being completely updated to more accurately reflect the places that we go to, our passions in life, and people who have bribed us to have their sites listed on the links page! Seriously, we have been making some major changes which emphasize the things that matter to us. The boxing and journals sections have been revised, and dead links have been removed. New barfly links have been added as well. If you notice any broken links, please let us know.

The Topic of the Week has been updated, so give it a look!

And now for yesterday's comments:

This morning, we were half-woken up at 9:15am by Janet's mother calling us to let us know that she found the website and wrote something on the message boards. So, when we woke up at 12:15, we checked the boards, and sure as shooting, both Janet's mother and half-brother had written messages on the boards. Janet's half-brother's posting is a little… explicit… but we'll leave it up. Geez, for a little kid, he sure has a firm grasp of the english language… or at least the four-lettered words.

8/28/98

We're sorry that it has been so long since we've added any scowls or smirks, but as you know, it's been a bad week. First, both of us get sick, then Avery gets really sick and Janet gets better, then Avery gets better and Janet gets sick… needless to say, we've spent most of our time playing nurse to each other, and that has really cut into our writing time.

Tonight is the HORDE concert where we get to see the Barenaked Ladies (yippee!) followed by Janet's company picnic on Saturday… so as you can tell, it's going to be a busy weekend. We probably won't make any updates until Sunday morning. However, we promise that we will be back to our usual update schedule next week.

We have made some updates, so check the What's New section to see what we've done!

Thanks for being so patient…

8/17/98 – During Melrose Place

Good evening, everybody! It's Monday night and you know what that means… time for a new Topic of the Week!

As you can tell, we have a new graphic… what do you think about it? Now Mr. Scowly Sun can be seen over and over and over again!

Check the "What's New" section if you want to know what we have changed recently.

Oh, not to toot our own horns, but we won a number of awards last week. You like us… you really, really like us!

— Avery and Janet

PS, as we all have found out… President Clinton has admitted to an improper relationship with Monica Lewinsky. Oh golly golly gumdrops! The president has received a blowjob from one of his interns. Do you think that he is more embarassed that he was caught or that he was caught with such a homely broad? Sheesh! You think that the President of the United States could do better than that! At least JFK had Marilyn Monroe.

8/13/98 – A few hours before lunch…

Yesterday morning, at 7:11 am, we had a small earthquake (5.3) which, as expected, shut down MUNI for 15 minutes. That's not so bad, considering that a stiff wind shuts MUNI down for 5 minutes or so.

8/3/98 – During Road Rules.

Well, the new Topic of the Week is up and it's a dilly! We don't suggest that children or the easily offended read it. Heck, we don't suggest that children or the easily offended read this site at all.

From earlier today:
Janet made a good point yesterday: "Where do we put the stuff that isn't a smirk or a scowl?" So, this afternoon, we created a new section called the Observation Lounge. The Observation Lounge is where we put our observations on what's going on… stuff that's neither smirk nor scowl… sort of like something that is Pareve.

In addition, yesterday we added a new Chronicle aptly entitled "Hey, Assholes"
Have you ever been reading some mainstream magazine and find an article that just rubs you the wrong way? Well, this section is our responses to those stories.

Happy Monday

—Avery and Janet

PS: Pareve is a Hebrew term that means neither Meat nor Milk… sort of a no-mans land food. Bread is Pareve, Coke is Pareve… and for some reason, fish is Pareve. Take that, you vegetarians!

7/31/98 – 45 Minutes before the Toronado
There is such a thing as being TOO negative. When you start thinking you're "above" just about everyone and everything, and focusing your hostility on something trivial like song lyrics, it's time to consider some professional therapy. That's not healthy complaining, it's displaced hostility.

There is a fine line between anger and bitterness, but the difference is severe. Scowl tries to stay on the bitter side of the fence. You see, we may be bitter, cynical and jaded… but we aren't angry and hostile. OK, so maybe we are a little angry and hostile… but we try to temper that with a good amount of wise-ass introspection.

You can't make fun of everyone else unless you are willing to make fun of yourself.

7/29/98 -
Yesterday there was a bad mojo going on between me and the net.
For some reason, there was an internet outage in Ohio which kept me from being able to visit most of the sites that I go to each and every day. That was cool, because I happened to find some new sites that are excellent (like Drue's website)… but it meant that I couln't go to some of my favorites (like Star Wars Farts and Planet Soma). So, after finishing up the Topic of the Week and waiting for Janet to get out of the shower, I decided to do some net surfing.
Boy, was that a disaster.

First, I checked one of my favorite newsgroups. A few weeks ago, this pain-in-the-ass-know-it-all threw a temper-tantrum and announced "Screw you guys, I'm going home."
I found this comment pretty funny, because I usually write all of my postings from home. But I digress.
It seems that little miss thang couldn't take 1) a joke and 2) some heart-felt criticism regarding her net.behavior. Anyway, she decided to leave. Poor baby.
Needless to say, I had really enjoyed the group for the last few weeks. But, I knew that it couldn't last because all of her little groupies were begging her to come back. Now, she's trying to pass off the "I'm going home" as some sort of spiritual return to her home. Geez, can you smell the bullshit all the way over the net like I can?

I left my newsgroup reader and headed over to one of my favorite geeky cartoon sites. Oops! For some reason the cartoon of the day wouldn't load. There must have been a problem in the ASPcode-generator. No biggie, but it didn't help the cold blue funk that I was heading towards.

So, next stop was a favorite site, one I check daily, hoping that it was just updated! It wasn't.

At this point, I should have just taken a shower and gone to sleep… but NO! Avery had to be masochistic and keep searching around! The next site was down for a week for "remodeling"… the site after that should have been shut down for remodeling. The next site had a problem in its perl code so I couldn't even post to the message board. ARRGH!

Finally, I went to an old favorite, and realised that the person writing it wasn't bitter anymore… she was just catty and angry. It's sad, the writer made that all too easy jump from being cynical to just being hostile. It's a sad loss.
Yes, Janet and I spend a good portion of our day scowling… but the day that we can't poke fun at our Scowls and Smirks will be the day that Scowl shuts down

But don't worry… that won't happen for a long, long time

Thanks for sticking around,

—Avery

7/26/98 -

Updated: All Chronicles have been updated for your reading pleasure. New Scowls for you too.
Time: 6:30 PM.
On TV: Road Rules (an episode that we haven't seen).
Revelation: Arnold Schwartzenegger was really good in Kindergarten Cop (it was on before Road Rules).
Recovering from: Too many fat-laden dinners out with visiting relatives, smoking too many cigarettes last night, drinking a possibly spoiled Odwalla Summertime Lime juice.
Waiting for: the chili to finish cooking, digital cable to be installed, Cartoon Network to be available so we can watch Dexter's Laboratory.
Wearing: T-shirts, and boxer shorts (one pair of which Avery plans on handing down to me because the fly tends to open more often than he'd like it to). Socks too, 'cuz its nippy out!
Trying to read: The Comics Journal (Young Cartoonists Issue) and Star Wars Manga.
Cancelled: Sparring, because our teacher is sore from a basketball tournament and Avery's new tattoos are still healing.
Still on the kitchen table: Gefilte Fish, an Avery impulse buy.
—Janet (and Avery, back-seat contributor)

7/25/98 – It must be morning, because the sun is out.

Well, it's way too early in the morning, and I can't sleep.

Janet is lucky… she'll probably be able to sleep for another hour or two, but I am wide freaking awake. I hate being awake so early in the morning, it means that I won't be able to stay up late – which will cut down on the late night activities.

I figure that someone is going to email us asking where the update to the Barfly Chronicles is, but Janet and I didn't go to the Toronado last night … no bar, no Barfly Chronicles. Don't despair, we intend to go to the Toronado tonight… and there will be an update tomorrow.

Other than that, I smell like a hippie, because the new salve on my tattoos is made of almond and avocado oil… "Peace and love, dude"… sheesh. I hate smelling like hippie even more than smelling a wet hippie on the bus… which is one step worse than the smell of a wet dog.

That's it for now. Check out the new links: Kvetch, the Fray and Manic Xpressions… I think you'll like them.

Yawn, bitch, moan and scowl… all of you!

— Avery (and the sleeping Janet)

7/17/98 – After a few beers at Lucky 13 and some chili from Sparky's
Yuppies, please go home.
A poem.

Yuppies, please go home; please go home now.
Leave my home and go. Go now. Go quickly.
Regardless, please go.
Please go home now, Yuppies.
Leave in your beemers, mercedes and beetles.
Leave before you make us ill.
Leave this instant, before we hurt you.
Regardless, please go.
Yuppies, please go, my buzz is fading,
and you amuse me not any more.
Go! Please go! Yuppies, please go!
Go! Leave now! Please go!

Adios, yuppie putzes!

– Avery and Janet

PS: we updated the Barfly Chronicles, Janet wrote a Scowl and Avery wrote a Smirk.

7/12/98 – Evening
Today was a web-site updating sort of day.
This afternoon was spent walking around and making lists of all the places on Haight and Fillmore Streets. Most of the evening was spent doing the following:

• Updating the Lower Haight Resource Guide (Now includes everything on Haight and Fillmore).

• Adding new stuff to the Chronicles, Scowls and Smirks.

• Making a mean mushroom sauce for some pork chops.

We ended up writing a lot about the new trend of advertising on "principled" websites. You see, if the editor of a well respected magazine tells you to buy a product, or a newscaster of a powerful news program tells you to buy something, you give it some consideration. For example, Walter Cronkite made a special point to make sure that any product he endorsed meets his personal standards… and the editors of Brill's Content make sure that the ads in their magazine are representative of their goals, ideals and editorial charter. However, now it's OK for the editors and content providers of popular and well-respected websites to whore out their site to corporate advertisers because "the money helps keep the site alive".
Principles apply to everyone in the media spotlight. That's why the primary things endorsed on this website are bars, tobacco and alcohol, as well as our personal brand of contempt for the world. Things that we can stand behind.

The Boxing Chronicles
Intro by Avery
Go directly to the Updates

As you probably have figured out by the title to this chronicle, Janet and I are boxers currently in training.

About three years ago, we were looking to join a gym in order to keep active and get into shape. However, neither of us were really motivated to go to some yuppie meet/meat market like 24 Hour Fitness, or some overpriced luxury gym like the Bay Club… we wanted something with lots of classes that was relatively close to the house. We ended up joining Gorilla Sports because it was convenient.

When we started up at the gym, Janet gravitated towards Spinning, which is a group based bicycling class. I, however, was looking for something that would also help me with my aggression. Plus, I really hate bicycles. So, I decided to try out boxing. Janet took her first class about 4 months later.

That was three years ago. Janet and I left Gorilla due to a lack of commitment by the management to keep the place up (people were getting hurt due to heavy bag chains falling on them)… plus the owner was a womanizing putz. Now we're boxing at Powerhouse Gym under the expert tutelage of Jocelyn Grimes (she's listed in the links section). We'll be moving over to Crunch once it opens because it has better equipment.

So, we box, None of this aerobic boxing or "box for fitness" bullshit… we box because we love the sport. We take technical boxing classes every week… and as of 7/19/98, we are also sparring. Hopefully we will find people in our weight classes to box against so it will be a more fair fight.

So, why do we box? You'll never know until you wrap up your hands and give it a try.
 

[Avery] 4/3/99
For the last two years, I have been training (off and on) as a boxer, with the intention of eventually registering as an amateur boxer and having at least one boxing match.

Thursday night (April 1, 1999) I finally realized this goal and had my first bout as part of the Northern California Golden Gloves competition.

As you know, if you have been reading the Boxing Chronicles, I have been training hard since 1/27/99 to get ready for the Golden Gloves… going to the gym five days a week, cutting down on my beer consumption and removing cigars from my weekly routine. I had really committed myself to getting in shape for the Gloves.

My training went very well. I dropped close to 10 pounds in the last month of my training, and strengthened my abs to the point where a 15 pound medicine ball dropped on my stomach didn't even hurt. I spent as much time as possible in the ring sparring in order to sharpen my reflexes, and would work for hours on the heavy bag in an attempt to strengthen my punches. So, when I weighed in for Golden Gloves last Sunday, I felt confident that I would be able to hold my own in the match.

The Golden Gloves is an advancing tournament for amateur boxers. If you do well enough in the regional competitions, it can land you a place in the National Golden Gloves, which then leads to the US National Competition, where the winners get the chance to get a slot on the US National Olympic Team. The Golden Gloves attracts the best of the best.

Thursday, I had to check in at the Cow Palace (where the San Francisco Golden Gloves is held every year) at 5pm. I immediately went to the check-in desk to get my license (which I turned at the weigh-in) and medical exam card. Once I got my license, they instructed me to stand in line for the medical examiner. I was near the front of the line and got in within 15 minutes, which was good because the line ended up being over 50 people long, and took almost an hour before the last person made it through the line.

Anyway, after I went through the medical exam (which consisted of weighing in, getting my pulse and blood pressure checked, getting my breathing checked and a cursory check of my internal organs), turned in my license and medical card to the officials and then went to check the list of bouts for the night. There were 25 bouts scheduled, and I was set to fight in match #16. This was good, because it allowed me time to watch the other matches and get comfortable with the whole Golden Gloves scene.

At 6pm, my coach/cornerman Albert arrived. Albert is a trainer at Crunch that I used to know back from my days at Gorilla Sports. He showed up with a student from Crunch that wanted to see the matches, which didn't bother me at all. He asked me how I was feeling, and I told him that I was relaxed and ready to fight. Janet and Carlos showed up at 6:15 and the four of us sat in the bleachers to talk, watch the matches and relax.

The next few hours were a blur. I watched the first six matches, then walked to the changing room to get into my gear. Since amateur boxing is designed around scoring points, not knocking your opponent out, there is a significant amount of equipment that you need to wear in order to participate in a match. So, I put on my no-foul (a large protective cup which is designed to cover my lower abs and my…um… package), boxing shorts, sneakers and tank top. I finished just as the 7th bout started which featured Simon from Granelli's Gym (where I train in conjunction with Crunch Fitness) who beat the tar out of his competition (from King's Gym).

The next few bouts were spent warming up, stretching and throwing some punches with Albert. Around the 10th bout (each bout consists of three two-minute rounds with a one-minute break in-between rounds),  I stopped warming up and sat down to get my hands wrapped for the match. I also was trying to find my opponent, Hector M. from Sacramento so I could see who I was fighting against. You see, at the Golden Gloves, you are assigned a pseudo-random opponent based on your division (Special-Senior for boxers 17-25 with less than 10 bouts) and weightclass (Super Heavyweight aka 201+ lbs). Additionally, they try to match people with similar experience and size together.

Wrapping your hands for a competition takes almost 15 minutes. It consists of wrapping your hands in standard boxing-handwraps (emphasizing significant padding on your knuckles), followed with a roll of medical gauze and some final wrist supporting medical tape. When the 13th bout started, we went to the gloves desk where the officials examined Albert's hand-wrapping job and put on my gloves. Since there are a limited number of gloves, they re-use them after a liberal dose of bleach (inside and out) to disinfect them. Mmm… burny.

It was at that point that I saw Hector. He was 6'5", easily 270 pounds and built like a "mountain with arms". This is the person who the officials thought would be the best match for me. Albert and I looked at each other, looked at him, and we then proceeded to put my head-gear on. One round of warm up later and we were on-deck to go in to the ring.

At 10:15, my match was called and I entered the ring. He was a giant compared to me. Headshots would be out due to his height and three inch (or more)  reach advantage, so my initial strategy of throwing hooks to the body still seemed valid. The referee checked my headgear and mouthpiece and the match began.

Hector was slow and predictable, throwing out single jabs, which allowed me to slip in under his punches and throw a number point-scoring hooks to the body. However, his punches were amazingly strong. Within thirty seconds of taking his jabs, I was down on one knee getting an 8-count. An 8-count is given to a boxer in order let him regain his composure, even though I was standing and ready to fight after he counted to three.

Once I was knocked down, I was both pissed and nervous. I knew that I would not be able to take many more of his punches, but I thought I would stick to the strategy, which would let me get through the first round. He threw a jab, and I scored a few more points with some hooks to the mid-section. Then he laid a strong punch to my head.

At that point, my instincts kicked in. Instead of sticking to the plan, I started to back up, trying to avoid another punch to the head. I started to shy away from him, when I should have been scoring points. He landed another punch and I was down on a knee again. I decided to take 6 seconds before standing up again. At that point, the referee checked me out and told me to stand in my corner for a second. Albert sponged my neck with ice-water. Within a few seconds, we noticed that he was collecting the score cards from the three judges, and the match was over.

The match was scored as a loss by RSC, which means that the Referee Stopped the Contest. This is a common ruling, and five or six other contestants had their bouts stopped by the ref for the same reasons. I was angry with myself for not doing better, but I knew that it was the proper time to stop before I got hurt.

After leaving the ring, the Medical Examiner asked if I was OK. I responded positively. He then asked if I was really OK, to which I responded "It was time for the bout to stop. If the ref didn't stop it, I would have at that point." He gave me a clean bill of health and I went to change. On my way back to get my clothes, Albert told me that if the ref didn't stop the bout, he would have stopped it. I told him that if he didn't stop if, I would have probably stopped it as well.

When I got back to the bleachers, four or five boxers and trainers (including ex-sparring partners) came by… some that I didn't even know who just saw my fight. Everyone told me that compared to my opponent (who I found out had 4 previous matches), I did a good job… that it looked like a midget trying to fight a mountain.

Carlos, Janet, Albert and I left around 10:40 and dropped Carlos off at the BART station at 16th and Valencia a few minutes later. I had a mild headache, but no blood or major pain. Let me tell you, I have a whole new respect for the manufacturers of the Tuf-Wear 10oz Headgear and the Shield 260 Mouthguard. The three of us then decided to grab dinner at Sparky's Diner as I had not really eaten anything significant since noon.

While eating, Albert reviewed my performance with me, stating that it was a definite mis-match (which was echoed by a number of other boxers there… almost making me wonder if I was purposely paired against Hector because I would not give him much damage, increasing the chances of him making it to the finals), and that my defense fell apart as soon as I was knocked to a knee the first time, but that I did land some good, hard scoring punches to his mid-section. I told him that I was planning on taking a few weeks off, but I would certainly fight again, just not in the Golden Gloves, but in a single match (called a Smoker) where I would be able to pick a match with a boxer closer to my size and experience.

It's now two days after the match. My left elbow is a little sore, and my concussion is pretty much over. All I have are my memories, a small scar on the bridge of my nose and a t-shirt that only the participants get. I'm proud of myself for getting in the ring… especially with an opponent like Hector. But today, I'm just glad that my first match is behind me.

[Avery] 3/1/99
Today was a killer day at Granelli's. 4 rounds on a 140 lb post bag (that's a heavy bag lashed to a supporting beam), 2 rounds on a 200+ lb bodyshot bag and 9 rounds on a standard heavy bag. I finished that off with 100 medicine-ball drops on my stomach, followed by a horrible ride on the bus (see the MUNI Chronicles) and a nice pasta dinner.

Now I'm stuffed and stiff.

[Avery] 2/24/99
I guess I'm pretty damn lucky. Not only is my training coming along well, but in a tremendous show of support, my management has decided to make some scheduling exceptions so I can get ready for Golden Gloves in April. So, now I can work from home on Mondays and Wednesdays… which makes it possible for me to supplement my normal 3 day-a-week training at Crunch with two days of intensive heavy bag work and sparring at Granelli's Gym.

Since today was a Wednesday, I made a trek out to Granelli's. The plan: go and get in a couple of rounds on the heavy bags, show Vaj (the owner) my footwork (which I have been desperately working on), and then try to get in one or two rounds of ring work.

What I ended up doing was: four 3-minute rounds on the heavy bags (headshots, hooks, bodyshots, freestyle), one round of shadow boxing, four rounds of sparring (competition, defensive, offensive, competition) and finished the night off with four on the heavy bags (jabs, jabs, headshots, bodyshots on the super-heavy bag).

The sparring was with a fellow boxer named Jimmy. Jimmy hadn't sparred in about three months… and I really hadn't sparred ever, so Vaj thought that we'd be a good pairing. He was right… Jimmy is much smaller than me, a little taller and has a longer reach. On top of that, he has amazingly smooth footwork. This meant that I got thoroughly pummeled, but I also learned a hell of a lot… and by the fourth round, I started getting more aggressive and actually scoring points. Jimmy is a great sparring partners, and is planning on coming in on Mondays and Wednesdays so we can get a couple of rounds in each week.

I have a difficult decision to make now. It seems that even though I have trained as a right handed boxer, I think that not only is my left hand my stronger hand, I think that when I lead with my right foot, I actually move faster and box more effectively. So, with only four weeks until Golden Gloves, do I change my training style and start boxing goofy-foot?

[Janet] 2/17/99
A gym installs a ring and hangs up a few heavy bags and suddenly everyone thinks they're Muhammad-freaking-Ali. There's nothing worse than legitimately trying to complete a boxing workout (written out for you by your former boxing instructor, no less) and having some showoff-y man come over and wander around the boxing area, randomly hitting the bags…wearing neither gloves nor hand wraps. This guy puts on a sleeveless shirt, hangs a towel around his neck and then commences to wander around the entire gym. Every so often he comes over to the heavy bag and punches it. Then he punches the next heavy bag. Then he punches the double-ended bag, wanders away, and wanders back five or ten minutes later to repeat the whole process. I don't know, maybe he's just cruising for chicks.

Speaking of cruising for chicks, there's another type of guy that surfaces in the boxing area: the I'm Fierce, But Only For Five Minutes Guy who, to his credit, actually puts on gloves (they're not the type of gloves that you should use on a heavy bag, however) and starts to do a little boxing dance around one of the heavy bags. After dancing for a couple of minutes, he'll attack the bag wildly, flailing his arms and hitting it about 100 times in a row with all of his might. Then he'll bend over, panting, with his hands on his knees, but once he realizes that the Treadmill Girls might be looking at him, he quickly makes his doubled-over position look more like a stretch. Good thinking, Sporto! (Note: at this point, his workout is over, as he is about to collapse.)

And if you ask me, I think that some of those Treadmill Girls should just stay on the treadmill, plodding away on their imaginary track for hours on end. I'm all for people getting into shape, but while there are things that one may do well, there are also things that one, well, may suck at. Take me for example: I've tried cross-country running (and always came in last), the swim team (still came in last, and couldn't do that upside-down-kick-off-the-wall turning thing) and skiing (I've been known to actually walk down the hills.) I don't do those things anymore. Instead, I do something that I'm good at: boxing. So, if you're a girl and you think it's cool to try to box/kickbox (It's almost always kickboxing with girls more often than not, and I can't for the life of me figure out why this is) because you saw it on Ally McBeal or read about it in In Style Magazine, don't do it if you're going to put on the wrong type of gloves without wrapping your hands and then proceed to lightly tap the heavy bag really, really fast as you stop for a drink of water out of your fancy I-bought-it-at-the-camping-store water bottle every 60 seconds. And for the love of god, women, please reach back into your grade-school memories and remember how to jump rope properly! I know five-year-olds who are more coordinated than you! 

[Avery] 1/27/99
Last night was a boxing night, just like tomorrow is. Same drills as last time. Same soreness as last time.

Golden Gloves, one of the major advancing amateur boxing tournaments in the United States is coming up fast. Weigh-ins are March 28 and the matches begin a few days later. Needless to say, it's time to get serious about training and as part of that, I needed to get licensed.

In order to get licensed, first I needed to join a USA Boxing Local Boxing Committee approved gym. This has always been a problem, because most boxing gyms cost $60/month, and since I already paid for my Crunch membership, I didn't want to have to pay for another membership. I could have gotten membership at Kings in Oakland, but that's a good extra hour of commute time.

Enter Granelli's Boxing Gym on 8th and Folsom. I used to train with Vaj Granelli (the owner) back when I went to Gorilla Sports. A few years ago, Vaj opened up his own gym. The facilities are great, but the gym was in an inconvenient location, so I never considered training there. However, I decided to stop in today to see if we could put together a plan.

Vaj offered to let me register under Granelli's Gym and train as an independent. Basically, I continue my training at Crunch, supplemented with weekly sparring starting in mid February at Granelli's. It was a perfect deal, considering he is letting me pay per visit, instead of per month.

So we shook hands, I got the paperwork for the license, and I'm just that much closer to my first boxing match.

Oh… and since I had to walk by Fairtex to get to Granelli's, I picked up a set of 10oz gloves, as my current 12oz gloves are finally starting to fall apart after two and a half years. Fairtex is a kickboxing gym in the South of Market district. I wouldn't ever train there (cause there is a big difference between boxing and kickboxing)… but damn, they make good gloves.

[Avery] 1/21/99
Different day, same routine… the exact same routine. It's less than an hour after I finished the workout and I am already starting to feel sore.

While working out, I noticed two girls boxing in the ring. Actually, they were sort-of boxing. They were sort-of punching and sort-of blocking. Actually, all they were doing is giggling and shuffling around the ring every time they almost landed a punch. Janet could knock both of them out… probably with one hand. Hell, probably with one punch.

Back to letting the muscles start knitting back together…

[Avery] 1/18/99
Since we had today off (it being Martin Luther King Jr. Day and all), we decided to get off of our dead asses and go to the gym.

The gym routine has become pretty well locked as we prepare for Golden Gloves in April. Stretch, 10 minutes of jump roping, 1 mile run, 5 rounds of shadow boxing interchanged with 5 rounds of heavy bag work, another mile jog, some crunches (Avery doing less crunches and adding in a set of 50 medicine ball drops) and a final stretch. It's about a two hour routine, and we try to do this at least two times a week.

However, they have now finally added in some more bags at Crunch. Now, on top of the three decent heavybags, they added two double-ended bags (which I did an extra 2 rounds on today) two hook bags, which are thinner than normal heavy bags… making it easier to throw hooks (which I also did two rounds on), two uppercut bags (which are hung way too low for the average person) and a shitty little water bag, which feels like it is half empty. The actual boxing space is great… rarely crowded and well equipped for the size. The only problem is that the bags are a little close together, making it hard to incorporate motion into the heavy bag part of the workout. Still, its 1000 times better than anything else I've seen in San Francisco.

It's now two hours after getting back from the gym, and I am starting to get that post-workout soreness. Still, if I want to be in form for April, it's worth putting in the time.

[Janet] 1/18/99
We recently bought two $12.99 Sony radio walkmen to bring to the gym, since the gym people claim that if you tune the radio to certain stations, you can hear the audio that goes along with the movies that they play in front of all the treadmills. This may work, though I think that you have to be running practically on top of said TV, which is impossible as they are all hanging from the ceiling. So, I decided to just listen to the plain 'ole radio while I ran, hoping that it would help push me to run better than an 11-and-a-half minute mile. Well, evidently the Bay Area has the worst choice of radio stations in the whole wide world, because every station was playing either "easy listening" music or endless commercials. You just can't work out productively to "The Wind Beneath My Wings," OK? I'll show them a quiet storm… 

[Avery] 1/10/99
Janet and I went to the gym this afternoon, and ouch we hurt. We're now doing a standard boxing workout as prescribed by Jocelyn: 10 minutes of jump roping, two miles of running, five rounds of shadow boxing and five rounds on the heavy bag. Then we top all it off with a shitload of crunches and work with the medicine ball.

Still, it's nice to be getting back into shape, and my endurance is getting much better. Within a few weeks, I'll probably be ready to start sparring again.

The best thing about Crunch (our gym) isn't the heavy bags (which is nice) or the full size ring (which is really really nice)… it's the sauna and the steam room. There's nothing nicer than finishing an intense workout and then heading over to the steam room and then topping it off with a quick rinse in the showers of sex.

You see, at Crunch, the showers have frosted glass on one side and a light which shines on you, projecting a shadow of your naked body onto the frosted glass. That way, everyone coming up the stairs to the showers can check out who's getting squeaky clean. It's 50% cleanliness and 50% exhibitionism! Now before you all think… well, I have no idea what you would think here… it's not a detailed shadow. I mean, you can see vague outlines and stuff, but you can't see nipples or anything. Still, they have good water pressure, and after a shvitz in the steam room… exhibitionism or not, nothing feels better than a shower… and I really feel sorry for anyone who caught my outline in the frosted glass.

[Janet] 12/9/98
I almost fainted dead away when we found out that Crunch, the gym we each paid a year's worth of membership dues to on December 22, 1997, was actually open. OK, so they were supposed to open on December 7 and they actually opened on the 8th, but what's one more day when you've been waiting 8 months? After all of the build-up and aggravation over them taking so long to open, the gym itself is kind of disappointingly anticlimactic. You would have thought this place was going to be the gym to end all gyms, right? I mean, when they say "Rock Climbing Wall," you think it's going to be a whole wall, right? But it's a teeny little thing, with room for only two people to climb at the same time. And the gym itself was kind of small, with the boxing ring right smack dab in front of five rows of treadmills. I don't really mind having an audience when I spar, though the thought of an audience made up of 100 glassy-eyed skinny minnies hiking to nowhere, ponytails all a-bobbin' does send a little shiver up my spine.

But the gym itself is really sleek and color-coordinated. The showers are nicer than the one in our bathroom, chock-full of Crunch-brand shampoo, conditioner, and body wash, with a few Crunch Body Lotions placed strategically around the rest of the locker room which, strangely, has no benches. Must be a modern touch, like the signs that identify the locker rooms — a nondescript metal "E"-looking thing, which turned one way looks like a "W" and the other way looks like an "M." I would have walked right into the men's had Avery not pointed the so-called "W" out to me.

The only bad thing about the gym so far, aside from the fact that we — along with what seemed to be the rest of the city — went the very first day it opened, was the fact that they had a boxing class scheduled for 6:30 PM which suddenly turned into a beginners kickboxing class filled with girls standing around in their bare feet and matching outfits, girls who probably saw Ally McBeal kickbox on TV and think its some hot new trend. (The Program Director admitted that they changed it at the last minute because "some of the girls requested kickboxing.") We were a tad pissed because a) we purposely went on that day at that time for that class, and b) I would hate to find out that that sort of thing is going to happen all the time. As long as they get some heavy bags in there, we don't really care about the class…we'll just work out on our own.

[Janet] 10/28/98
Since our workouts have basically been whittled down to nothing more than going for Power Walks (OK, just plain walks, but it makes me feel better when I put the "Power" in front of it), we were forced to return to the dreaded Gorilla Sports for another impromptu boxing session. As we are no longer members there, we're supposed to pay $10 each for a one-hour class, but it just so happens that the guy who works at the front desk remembers us from months ago (though we have no idea who he is) and "waives" the fee. Gorilla, in true [food]-chain style, was bought out by the Pinnacle Fitness chain, which in turn was bought out by the Bally's Fitness chain. Consequently, they have a lot of new manager-types hovering around the front desk with their rulebooks. Last night the desk was manned by the Guy Who Knows Us and a severe-looking girl with very short, ash-blonde hair, a shrill voice and a rigid, Corporate Lackey demeanor:

[When you read this to yourselves, give Hitler's daughter a German accent.]

Avery: "We'd like two day passes." (I know! Even though we only stay for an hour!)

Guy Who Knows Us: [waves us is without taking the $20.]

Hitler's Daughter: "Wait! You must fill out these forms!"

Guy: "Aww, they were members here before."

Hitler's Daughter: "I do not care! They must fill out these forms!"

Guy, sticking up for us and rallying against The Man at the same time: "Even if they only quit two weeks ago?" (actually it was more like 6 months ago, but who's counting?)

Hitler's Daughter: [Standing very tall] "It does not matter! No one is exempt!" [slams forms down in front of us. Said forms are basically made up of questions about which type of exercise is our favorite, and what our name and address is, with a teeny-tiny waiver in 4-point type at the very bottom.]

Guy: All snorting and rolling his eyes.

Me, mocking her later: "You must pay $20 to go to the basement!"

If you look at the Gorilla Sports website, you may be amazed to discover that they have a "4200 square foot boxing room with 35-foot ceilings." And they do, except that it's called a basketball court. Which is located in the basement of the Russian Community Center. They also claim to have "locker and shower facilities," which is also true, if the five mini-lockers stacked against the bathroom wall count as actual locker facilities. Oh, and just to stay competitive, they threw a treadmill or two on a rickety-looking wooden loft structure above the basketball court. Just think, all this can be yours for just $57/month!

[Janet] 10/7/98
Since it looks as though we will be without a gym for the next 2+ months, yesterday we decided to go back to Gorilla Sports (the first gym we ever joined in SF) and take one class, just for the hell of it. When we joined Gorilla, it seemed like a really inventive gym… there were no weights or treadmills, only classes like boxing, kickboxing and spinning, back when all of these things were relatively rare at most run-of-the-mill gyms, and it seemed to be more than just a see-and-be-seen kind of place where a lot of people go to just socialize. Gorilla eventually got bought out by Pinnacle Fitness, which in turn got bought out by Bally Fitness, a country-wide chain of gyms. We left shortly thereafter, as we had basically hit a wall with boxing classes: they wouldn't offer sparring or any type of advanced class to teach technique, even though many people requested them.

With all of our bad gym experiences in the last couple of months, we were beginning to think that perhaps we were too hasty in our decision to leave Gorilla. We took a boxing class last night that was a good workout, but that's all it was. Halfway through the class we realized that we had made the right decision to leave. There was just nothing beyond pounding on the heavy bag and doing simple combinations over and over again. Gorilla is simply a fitness gym, where the main goal of their classes is to get people off of the couch, and that can be just as boring as running on the modern torture device we call the treadmill day after day.

[Janet] 10/4/98
I hate being at the mercy of large corporations. The first gym we started going to in San Francisco was Gorilla Sports. When we found out that Crunch was going to be opening a great state-of-the-art fitness center in town, we decided to jump at the chance to get inexpensive charter memberships. That was in December 1997. Their expected opening date was April 1998, so we ended our memberships at Gorilla at the end of March. Well, Crunch's opening was delayed. And delayed, and delayed. Each month they would assure us that it would only be another month until it would open, so in the interim, we decided to sign up for a month-to-month membership with Powerhouse Gym. The one or two month Crunch delay eventually stretched into six months, and of course we started to get a little annoyed, as we thought that Powerhouse was only going to be a one or two month thing at the most. It's not a great gym, and in the last few weeks it's gotten worse.

Yesterday we got a letter in the mail from Crunch, volunteering some half-hearted apology for not opening yet. Now they say their expected date of opening is December 7, 1998, and that's still tentative. That would be a year after we gave them our $500 each for a yearly membership. A year! Not two weeks ago, Avery spoke to someone at the membership office who assured him that the date of opening would be November 16. Now, obviously the gym has not been anywhere near ready for the past 6 to 8 months. But they sat in their membership offices on the premises looking at an empty shell of a gym and assured people over and over again that they would be opening "in a month." Now that our boxing instructor at Powerhouse has quit, we have no reason or desire to go back there, but we still have 2+ months before Crunch opens. We can always go back  to Gorilla for a couple of months, but we left there because it wasn't exactly what we were looking for in a gym. I love boxing, and I'm happy that I'm good at it, but I just can't commit to going to a boxing gym in the East Bay (another 1/2 hour commute, minimum) and revolving my life around just boxing. Basically, we just have to grin and bear that Crunch has intentionally misled us over a year's time, and that "boycotting" going there won't matter one bit, since no matter how shitty they've acted, they'll probably get a million other members…so what do they care if we don't?

[Avery] 9/24/98
Part 1 - 9/22 boxing class.
Jocelyn allowed us to put on the headgear and get in a couple of rounds of sparring. I love sparring… it's the best way to see if the techniques that you have been developing in class are really going to work for you. The only problem is that the only two people in class who are really ready for full contact sparring are Janet and me.
Now, Janet and I are great partners when it comes to working on technique and drills, but when we spar, it's another story completely. Since I outweigh Janet by over 80 pounds, she's worried that if I make a mistake and hit too hard, I could do too much damage (which is completely true). On the other side, I hold back, because I know that one strong punch from me could knock her out… so the sparring experience becomes very frustrating. Jocelyn is trying to arrange for some sparring with people in my weight class for next week.

Part 2 – 9/23 Jocelyn Quits.
Because the new aerobics manager at Powerhouse was being such a prick (and he really is a major prick) to Jocelyn, and neglecting the boxing program (he wanted to move the technical boxing towards that bullshit aero-boxing), Jocelyn quit Powerhouse Gym on 9/23. Though it was the right thing to do, we are now left in a lurch. Either we keep on going to Powerhouse until Crunch opens in late November (Crunch is a new gym that we pre-bought memberships to last year), which is silly because we don't like the gym and aren't crazy about the other instructors. So, do we just not go to a gym for two months? That's not really an option, because we don't want to put our training on hold for that long. No other gyms have decent boxing facilities either. The only other option is biting the bullet and signing up at King's Gym in Oakland, which is a full boxing gym, and it is where Jocelyn trains. The problem is that it's a hell of a commute to get there, and if we started training there, what would we do when Crunch opens?

Janet and I have a lot of thinking to do…

[Janet] 9/24/98
After two years of boxing classes, we've hardly ever gotten to spar, mostly because the gyms that we've gone to won't allow it because of the liability and insurance issues. We have been able to spar with other people a few times, but a couple of days ago Avery and I had to spar against each other, being that we were two of the most advanced students in class that also had headgear and mouthguards. I love sparring, but at this point have zero defensive skills. It's one thing to hit the heavy bag or work with a partner; it's quite another when the other person hits back and you don't know exactly which punches they're going to throw. It's instinctual for the body to want to turn away from the "aggressor," and that's exactly what I was doing the other night — it takes so much concentration to not turn around and try to get away when someone is throwing punches at you! I must say, it's a lot easier to spar with someone I don't know, who is also a little closer to my own size. Sparring against Avery just didn't quite work out the other day…it just feels so much better sparring with someone that you're not emotionally attached to, somehow. Generally speaking, sparring is frustrating anyway, as you have all of these punches flying at you and due to lack of sparring practice you're just not able to think quickly enough to react to them in any other manner other than cringing or taking punches in the face. All in all, I was pretty much disappointed with my sparring, and am hoping that the fact that it was close to 7:00 PM after a full days of work with a rumbling hungry stomach had something to do with that. 

[Avery] 9/16/98
Boxing day yesterday. Since Anji was there, Jocelyn was able to take each of us out for one-on-ones. Lots of technique, including a new way to parry and roll off of a jab. It was a hell of a workout.
What's annoying is the damned Step class people who come into the boxing room 10 minutes before the class ends. So, we're working out, and they're stretching out in their leotards and just getting in the way! I'm sorry… our class runs from 6 until 7. If the clock doesn't say 7, don't come in! Arrgh!

[Avery] 9/9/98
Yesterday was an interesting boxing day. Only four of us were there (plus Jocelyn), so we got to spend the night working on the more obscure punches (like straights and overhands). Also, we were able to get in 10 minutes of heavy bag work which was needed. Since we left Gorilla Sports, we haven't spent nearly enough time on the heavy bags, and my punch strength is only about 80% of what it was at its peak. Sigh.

[Avery] 9/2/98
I can't believe that it has been over a month since the last update to the boxing chronicles. Sheesh.
The last month has been normal: we have been boxing once a week (except for last week when we were too sick to go to class)… we want to box more often, but Powerhouse Gym where we go is such a pit, that we only make an effort to work out when Jocelyn is there.
Yesterday, Angie, one of the more advanced students,acted as an associate instructor which is good for a number of reasons. Not only does it break up the monotony, but it allows Jocelyn to work with each of us one-on-one. Plus, Angie is leaving for Los Angeles next month and now she will have some teaching credentials before she leaves.
Usually, I hate dealing with new people in class… it doesn't matter if it's a new teacher or a new student… it usually reduces the intensity of the workout. However, Angie did a very good job for her first class. She could have reduced the amount of time we worked on each drill (it felt like she was focusing on 5 minute intervals, and I prefer 3 minute intervals to keep the class from getting boring), but she'll get a better feel for breaking up the class the more she teaches. Overall, she was much better than most of our instructors in the past.
Jocelyn worked us like dogs in our one-on-ones… focusing on feints (a type of blocking), footwork and defense. I can't wait until the speedbag drills next week!

[Avery] 7/22/98
Yesterday was a boxing day. It's funny, when you have the same instructor week-after-week you get a little tense when you find out that your instructor switched with someone else. This week, Jocelyn switched with Jen for the Tuesday class. I have never had Jen as a teacher, but I have taken classes with her, and I know that she is currently boxing for Kings Gym in Oakland, so I figured that her style would be similar to Jocelyn's.
Boy was I wrong! The only similarities between their classes is that they both stress good technique, and pace their classes well, making it interesting for both beginners and experienced boxers. The actual drills that they run are quite different.
Where Jocelyn's classes stress boxing with a partner and are a little lighter on the cardio, Jen's class spent more time on the heavy bag, abs and neck strengthening. It was a nice change of pace, and I would certainly take her classes in the future… but when I am ready to get into intensive training for a match, I want Jocelyn in my corner.
Tip of the class: Never sacrifice form for speed. It does no good to throw 100 punches in a minute if you don't cover your head in the process. That's just a quick way to get knocked out.

[Avery] 7/19/98
Janet and I had a sparring session this afternoon. Unfortunately, neither Janet nor I had partners in our weight range, which can be dangerous. Since there was not anyone even remotely close to my weight, I ended up sparring with Jocelyn, our trainer. It's funny, she's about a half a foot shorter than me, and about 85 pounds lighter than I am. Even with my limited sparring experience, I know that a full force right-hook from me could do some serious damage to someone that much smaller than me. As hard as it is to punch at full force, it's so much more difficult to try and hold your punches back… you end up throwing much slower, which means that your guard is down for longer. Sigh. Next week, there's going to be someone my height/weight to spar against. Should be fun.

[Janet] 7/19/98
I've always been told by my boxing instructors that I was quite good and that both Avery & I were too advanced for the standard classes, etc. etc., but when I got into the ring and started sparring with a complete stranger, it was like I had forgotten everything that I had learned over the past two years.  Two years of hitting a heavy bag or working on combinations with a partner (neither of which hit back) leaves you with no defense skills whatsoever, so every time she came at me with a flurry of punches my brain would freeze.  After today's sparring, I ended up feeling like the only thing I had going for me is the fact that I'm good on the offensive and I hit hard, but you can't really do that when you're sparring.  Luckily, Avery is my usual partner and he outweighs me, so I've learned to take stronger punches, which helps when you have virtually no defense.  Sparring is very frustrating, but also rewarding in an I-can-do-something-most-people-won't kind of way.  The residual neckache does suck, however.

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lllumine March Project Entry
Topic of the Week #27

Topic #26
Where did we want to go today?