Put your lips together and blow

I could never whistle when I was little, except maybe through my teeth until I got them fixed, but that's not the reason why I find people who whistle in public – especially in elevators – exquisitely annoying. Would they talk to themselves in public? Sing to themselves? Is it that they are so full of joy that they must share it with each and every one of us? They don't even whistle songs that are easily recognizable, or even real, for that matter. And while we're on the subject of elevators, why, why, oh why must some people stand directly in front of an elevator so that when it gets to the lobby and opens and I want to get out, there are inevitably 3 or 4 people rushing on at the same time like I'm not even there, as if the elevator was attached to a giant elastic band and would somehow ricochet right back up to the 22nd floor once all the passengers got out? And once inside the elevator, isn't it proper elevator etiquette to stand facing the front of the elevator? I'm thinking that I may have missed the memo on this one, because all of a sudden everyone's standing facing the center of the elevator except for me.

Then there's that whole "the man should let the woman should get off first even though she's in the very back of the elevator behind seven people" thing, which always turns into an awkward situation because 1&#41 I would rather follow people than be followed; 2&#41 not every guy does it, so you have to kind of play that guessing game where you kind of wait, and he waits, because god dammit, the woman's gonna get out first, then you wait, because you don't want to get out first, then you just say "fuck it" and try to get out, and so does he and meanwhile the elevator is just eternally sitting there at the floor in question; and 3&#41 some men tend to make the biggest, grandest sweeping-of-the-arms deal about holding the door for you to process through, and god help you if there happen to be two of these types of men, each holding a side of the elevator doors as if you were the Queen of England or Madonna or something. I really don't think that all this elevator chivalry is necessary in this day and age. How about this logical plan: the person closest to the door gets out first, the next closest, second, and so on? &nbsp